Tech Stories EUPOTD Misconceptions Customers Customer E-mail Tech Rules Co-Workers Tech Songs Story Archives News (5/8/09) Tech Calls Tech Video Sign-Up List Members Members Area TSC Friends

Links Modemhelp.net BullShitjob.com Slashdot.org Walla Walla Web Design Napoleon Dynamite Shirts

5478. I am not allowed to change the hold music to an endless loop of "What's New, Pussycat?" [By : Dante668 / 2010-09-08] [Top] Comment on this Tech Rule Comments It's better than Henry the VIII, I am.... -duckhead How would Willkommen from Cabaret rate? -ChildofCthulhu This is the song that has no end... -chazz The theme from MASH -rurwin rurwin, that is Suicide Is Painless - good advice for most 'fish -PoglaTheGrate I guess the last 30 seconds of Chevelle's The Red is outta the question as well. Seeing red again, seeing red again, seeing red again.... -DarkRookie Well, an endless loop of "Doo-wop, diddy-wop, diddy-wop doo" http://www.techcomedy.com/forms/story_comment.php?content_number=84145&nick=Dante668&type=Tech%20Rule would be right out then? ;) (Nicely evil, but I like it... ;D ) -MadJack How'd I do that? I'm not awake yet. Anyway, here @ 2:37: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j58PENHSw20 -MadJack

5477. Do not, I repeat, do NOT simply push tickets off on me when I already have a full plate to begin with. With the laptop updates alone taking up the time from when I walk in the door to when I leave to go home (frequently late), I not only have insufficient time to get my own tickets done, but there is no way I can or want to do your work for you simply because you don't want to do the work yourself. [By : skippytpodar / 2010-09-08] [Top] Comment on this Tech Rule Comments document and forward to the boss! CYA -ecoli This kind of crap is why I no longer will be "nice" and work a half day in the morning before leaving on a vacation. My family is notoriously late and I used to work a bit so I wouldn't burn so much vacation time. The 3 or 4 times I would come in for a bit, I NEVER left on time because I'd end up getting everything pushed on me on a day where everyone KNEW I was leaving. -TechieSidhe Its worse when you return from your vacation to find out that no one took care of your tickets/cases/work you so meticulously guaranteed a resolution to, only for them to go overdue by your co-workers who could care less. Or being assigned cases/tickets/work while you are on vacation so that when you do get back they will go overdue the minute you step into the office...Grr... -CrystalMare Sounds like the Sleeping Ugly I have to deal w/, CM. (Hence why I haven't HAD a vacation since he got release from purgatory last Thanksgiving....) -MadJack

5476. My first call today was "When I plug my phone in the jack it's fine but when I unplug it, there's no dialtone." Another call an hour later, a customer said "my roomate left and took the modem with her. Ever since then, I haven't been able to get on the internet." What do you guys do to feel your existence is justified? [By :MisterCommon / 2010-09-08] [Top] Comment on this Tech Rule Comments Wait, what? How is this a Tech Rule? Am I missing something? -Stryker One The stupid! It buuuuurrrnnnsss! -flapjackboy I've a similar one in that ever since their new neighbor moved in, "I can't connect to the wireless anymore. It doesn't show up in my list!" -MrsCheezil First thing I do is look at my paycheck then look out the window of our office building into the poverty filled squatters area a couple of blocks away... -CrystalMare I have regular consultations with Dr. Daniels, Dr. Beam and Dr. Jameson -DedSysOp how do many of us cope? easy.. we all have our little mechanisims. some of us consult our favourit therapists in liquide form. -Harm "Paging Dr. Obvious, Dr. Painfully Obvious to the lobby!" -ecoli My IPTV colleague sitting behind me today had "I disconnected my service and it stopped working" Whoa! That's how it happens?!? -desseb There's a magic word for these customers that may make US feel better. Just tell them to fix the problem, they need to cross their eyes and as loud as they can, yell "DERRRRRRRP" while spinning around and getting dizzy with half of a straight jacket on. -KrazerKap

5475. There should be a federal law against people with huge pickup trucks, full-sized vans, and SUVs parking to flank tiny cars so they can't see to back out. My Hyundai and I will thank you. [By : Dante668 / 2010-09-01] [Top] Comment on this Tech Rule Comments Amen! It's no fun with my little Ford Ranger either. -ecoli I drive a full sized pickup, and it's happened to me too.... -duckhead I have a full size pickup and a Hyundai, lol. Happens with both - people just aren't considerate. Think I'm going to make up some business cards that say "You park like an ass" .... -Ramblin years back my dad had parked in a spot at a flea market big enough for his truck and he left enough space to get out. when we got back a car had squeezed in behind the truck and his bumper was against ours. Dad fires up the truck, puts in reverse and pushes the parked car into the street and pulls away. -Starfury This is why my wife and I have gotten in the habit of parking farther away from stores, and in an end spot if we can swing it. Fewer door dings that way. -RiffRaff In a related story, my wife and I were travelling in her old Camry, and pulled into a parking spot. When we came out, there was a high-end SUV parked so close to us on our left that I had to get in on the passenger side. Naturally, the first thing I did was open my driver's door as hard as I could into their door. Repeatedly. -RiffRaff And of course this is only done when the rest of the parking lot is completely empty. -SpiderRider3

5474. I'm a firm believer in the theory of intellectual osmosis. Please move away before my IQ starts to drop... [By :garwain / 2010-09-01] [Top] Comment on this Tech Rule Comments Quoth the Gord... -RiffRaff Leaky Boom Boom Dowwwwwwnnnnn.... -vacuumtubes Seconded by SNOW -unrenowned No, I don't believe it. There is no evidence that starfish are getting any smarter at all by leeching our IQ. Instead I propose a counter theory that the IQ of techs is encountering the anti-IQ of starfish resulting in the mutual annihilation of both releasing two quanta of annoyance & confusion. This would also explain why starfish get stupider the longer you talk to them. The only reason we aren't all blithering idiots is the collective mind power of starfish in the universe equals one small gerbil. -AussieFoot Oh it's true alright. It's just that the starfish are intellectually bulimic. -Spacegoat

5473. I am not allowed to submit a requisition for a keyboard with airbags, even if I walk into the safety meeting with the letter Y embedded in my forehead... thud. [By :LadySharky / 2010-08-31] [Top] Comment on this Tech Rule Comments Safety 3rd...always in the top 5. "Mike Rowe" -Starfury Try one of these http://www.amazon.com/TheCellPhoneShop-Foldable-USB-Keyboard-Black/dp/B001GC9C9Q -Stryker One @S1 - Sure you can get a bit of whip action going with those but to really pound in a lesson you need the good old IBM Model M to make the fishies and PHBs pay attention. ;) -AussieFoot No, not the model M, my forehead would never recover! (Guess who got no sleep at all last night and is in danger of... thud) -LadySharky

5472. It is not nice to try to convince my co-workers that horology is the study of prostitution. [By : Dante668 / 2010-08-31] [Top] Comment on this Tech Rule Comments Especially when everyone knows it's the study of Stephen King. -AussieFoot Iz about time....time t' FUCK a HOOR!! <TINK!> -vacuumtubes When studying prostitution, do you use a horoscope? -MeanDean

5471. For the millionth time... "A network cable is unplugged" is not a Defcon-5 error message when you're on a wifi connection. *sigh* [By : linkv / 2010-08-30] [Top] Comment on this Tech Rule Comments DEFCON-5, situation normal. When it's DEFCON-1 it's time to panic. -Wraith556 Sorry, I always get that backwards. -linkv I thought DEF-CON 1 was too late to panic, that you were already at war? -AussieFoot DAMN!!! Got some Wargame Nazis in the hizouse!! I bet you guys didnt even like Christian Slater as the main geek did ya? :P -burrkiss "A strange game - the only way to win is to not play!" (Oh, you meant War Games? I was talking about tech support!) -Captain Trips waaahh. No WIFI!! Call the president.. Call the Armed forces, we need a lock down. Secure the president. Ready the bunkers. Initiate DEF CON 3. -- All that for no WIFI. What the F! -kennz Was Matthew Broderick. -Madrigorne I think Burrkiss was referring to the lame sequel to War Games. -RiffRaff Forget all that, call Al Gore!! *ducks* -unrenowned kennz - looks like you still have your signature "wwwaaaahhhhh" hehehe hows tricks? -CrystalMare

5470. Everyone should learn the NATO phontic alphabet (or your countries equliv.), using anything else such as, Apple, Bobby, Cat, you shall be punish by a knife in the face [By : DarkRookie / 2010-08-30] [Top] Comment on this Tech Rule Comments I'm just happy that they found SOME way of telling a "b" from a "d" "c" or "v"! -Divinar "b" as in big, "d" as in dig, "c" as in cig .... are you sure I can't just make it up as I go? -Ramblin I still like the phonetic alphabet with silent or otherly pronounced letters - p as in psychiatrist,and so on... -technaround Or "p" like phonetic :) -Ramblin Sadly I find most people do not understand the real phonetic alphabet. Have no choice but to resort to using other words/names. -desseb Even if the starfish don't know it, it it useful for talking to other IT staff in your own office, or even in Mumbai! -Holdfast Then why, oh why, when I say "P as in Papa", do the fishies still respond "Did you say T?" -MisterCommon MrCommon: "Was that T as in Topper?" -chazz "P as in 'Papa'." "T as in Ta-Ta?" (Oh, Burrkiss, we have one for you...) -Captain Trips +1. And please remember it's spelt ALFA, and pronounced LEEMA, pahPAH, kehBECK, YOUNEEFORM. :) -Jack I remember.. I - i for Ice Cream.. <Special ed> yey, I got Mail.. I got Mail. I got mail. </special ed> -kennz I know it. I just find it more fun to amuse the techs in the field with the alcoholic alphabet instead! Interesting challenge to find alcohol names for every letter, though... -taieena A as in Absinthe, B as in Beer, C as in Cold Beer, D as Dissaronno... -DarkRookie A for Orses, B for Mutton, C for Yourself, D for Ential, E for Brick, F for Vescent... -Diptera "That's B as in Bella, E as in Edward, C as in Cullen... why are you looking at me like that?" -Dante668 A is for Apple, a cute little toy. B is for BillG, the one we annoy. C is the language, use it with care. D is for data, you say it went where? -VoiceOfSanity I've had hundreds of calls and the only time someone understood was when they were part of the military, otherwise it will always be people's names. Do-a dear a female dear, Rei-a drop of golden sun, Me-a name I call myself, Fa-a long long way to run....hey its better than Twilight phonetics :p hehehe -CrystalMare

5469. It is inappropriate (but really funny) to yell, "DEATH TO THE OPPOSITION!" during a baseball game. [By : Dante668 / 2010-08-30] [Top] Comment on this Tech Rule Comments one shouldn't yell that at the hell desk either. -Phylok Or the blackjack table. -AngrySup Or the IRS. -AngrySup As opposed to hooking into the ball field's loudspeakers and playing Dalek's "EXTERMINATE!" in a continuous loop when the opposition takes the field ? http://downloads.bbc.co.uk/doctorwho/sounds/ext1.mp3 XD -Necros Even funnier and more inappropriate to yell that at a tee ball game... -JoeLugian All right, who has been channeling Worf again? -VoiceOfSanity Do you think you're related to this person http://learnfrommyfail.failblog.org/2010/08/28/fail-story-lfmf-learn-from-no-longer-a-coachs-fail/ ;) -AussieFoot

5468. Textspeak has no place in business correspondence. [By : Dante668 / 2010-08-27] [Top] Comment on this Tech Rule Comments YES! Thank you! I don't like using text speak when I actually text. I may use an occasional LOL or ROFL, but I'm anal retentive enough to actually use correct spelling, punctuation, and capitalization in my texts. I hate that people are resorting to these nonsensical abbreviations more and more. -TeethMalloy Hell, with the number of acronyms we have at work, it all looks like texting to me. -AngrySup txtspk s 4 dose dat dont own a dixonery, u no? -Captain Trips Why not do a simplification of the english language (supposedly by Mark Twain) http://missbecky.wordpress.com/2008/04/10/simplifying-the-english-language/ orl the EU variant http://www.ipernity.com/blog/angela/45667 LOL -Dr Jerkyl ikr -ThinTheHerd Even worse is the recent trend of textspeak in resumes and cover letters. -RiffRaff I think the only place I find it amusing is when it's my mother doing it. :P -TechMama

Show me more Tech Rules in groups of:

10

50

100