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1393.
Subject: [Another Yahoo groups message]
"Sent as an attachment. Unfortunately that means I can't see it because I choose to follow recommended internet safety and security and do not open attachments." [And in the headers of the email:] "X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 6.00.2900.2180"
[By :  concept14 / 2005-05-21] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
ARGH!!! My customers who INSIST on being a member of a Yahoo Group, but refuse to use or sign up for a Yahoo account, instead want to crap to me about their "ISP" account screwing up the yahoo group message! Please PLEASE don't say "Yahoo Group" to me and expect me to fix it. PLEASE. -MamaTech |
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1391.
Subject: Um, That's Not Exactly What I Meant...
Text
This is what the customer sent me after I told her to send me a "test message."
*snicker*
[By : RiffRaff / 2005-05-21] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
Pass the screen wipes. HAHAHAHAHA -Wolffarmer
why does this sound like something I would do as a joke? -wolfprince
About every third time I tell a user to call the manual DUN a "test connection" it turns into "text connection" when they read it back. it's just not worth correcting them. -illiterate
Send them back the word Shebednigo.
-vacuumtubes
Reminds me of a time when I was testing a fax machine in a coworkers office. I asked the nice (and nice looking) ladies in the shipping office to send a test message. They send back: "Testes, testes, one, two." -ThreeBucks
I'm just glad they didn't sent, "Testes, testes, one, two, THREE testes!" -Veinor |
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1390.
Subject: bill?
I recieved a bill from you guys saying I owe you money for the internet. I didn't get a bill last month why do I have to pay one now? My response: "Thank you for letting us know of your billing concerns. I will have our accounting department look into why you did not recieve a statement last month and have them send you a copy ASAP. Please pay both amounts once recieved."
[By :mphoenix / 2005-05-20] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
MUAHAHAHA - love it when they LART themselves... -PTSTech
2nd notice should include interest as specified by "Jimmy 'Tree-Fingahs' Puglissi" -ShujinTribble |
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1389.
Subject: I Get So Tired Of This Shit
Hello:
I have gotten information that emails being sent to my account are being returned saying that my mailbox is full. How do I empty or clean out my account so I can receive new emails? I am not sure how to get rid of emails in my trash section.
I know this is a variation on ye olde "I've got an e-mail problem so I'll e-mail Tech Support with it" theme, but goddammit, I get shit like this EVERY FUCKING DAY, and I'm getting tired of it. I have half a mind to just wipe her entire mailbox and send her a message letting her know how stupid she really is. But, I like my job, so I'll just forward it to VT and let him deal with it.
*SIGH*
[By : RiffRaff / 2005-05-19] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
It is this sort of conundrum that leads otherwise reasonable people to envision an email 'self-distributing' solution that erases the trash box on the recipients e-mail. 'Do you want to delete your deleted e-mails Y/N/GFY'? -TieDyedDinosaur
She was able to e-mail you with a full box, I think that's problem :-P -NOFXfan
if her box was full you'd think she'd have more important things on her mind.....(doesn't even bother to run to the lart shelter, and takes it like a man, crying and pleading.) -drachen
BTW TDD, the options should be: do you want to delete your deleted emails: Y/Y/GFY -drachen
Probably got the expectation from Yahoo, which doesn't count the trash folder toward your limit, and they auto-empty that folder every so often. Perhaps a password reset, randomly done 4 times a day for a week, is in order? -missourimule
I'm sure VT is happy to deal with it. -jard
And actually, TDD, the "Do you want to delete your trash?" pop-up should simply have a big "OK" button. Although the fishies would still probably find a way to fark that up. -missourimule
missourimule, you bet, they probably have pop-ups blocked anyway, that's why the 'GFY' option. -TieDyedDinosaur
...and I'll Code 11 her and put her out of her misery. For those in the dark, Code 11 means, "Account closed. Reason? Just Cuz...." :-) -vacuumtubes
If someone is stupid enough to email me saying they cannot receive mail, I will ALWAYS reply via email, then close the ticket. -ShutUpAndHangUp |
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1388.
Subject: Stop spamming!
Why is $ISP letting all of this junk email through. Most of my emails are about drugs (viagra) and it is definately spam.........most of them aren't even to my email address, just something close! Or just to any address with an $ISP.net domain. You know you could stop this, why don't you?
[By :itwasntme / 2005-05-19] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
help me Obi Wan!, help me!.. -imawreque
Dude! doncha know this company is run by the guys who used to beat you up in school?, we're sending you that crap on purpose. -Digital Dogcow
glad to see im not the only one who has to put up with customers constantly bitching about spam... they dont seem to realize that if there was a way to block all the spam, it wouldnt freakin be sent in the first place! -nectar024
Sir, that's because you're using LookOut! Express. If you get Mozilla Thunderbird and turn on the Spam Filter, you'll get rid of MOST of those without even trying. (Hey, it worked on one of my customers!) -ShujinTribble
We use Postini's service, and it's amazing. When a customer bitches to me about spam getting through, I usually Google their email address and show them exactly where spammers are harvesting from (forums, guestbooks, etc.) Always shuts them up. -ShutUpAndHangUp |
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1387.
Subject: Order Number XXXXXXXXXX
The problem now is that I lost the original order form page and can't remember what it was! So you weren't much help and maybe you should let (Redacted) know that!
Very frustrated,
(Bitch for a Customer)
Good, now that you have made an ass of yourself and berated me because you are too stupid to remember what you wanted to order, why not print this ticket out and shove it where the sun doesn't shine?
[By :OhioTech / 2005-05-18] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
"This is Psychic Tech Support. Replace your mouse, you will be billed $50 for the call. Thank you for calling." *click* -Psudo
Someone didn't take their psychic pill this morning! -LadySharky
You must have had a low metaclorine count today :) -kryliss
Why would he want to stash it under his pillow ?!? <I think i am about to feel the force, brace, brace> -Armakuni |
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1386.
Subject: How did she do that?
Subject: b in bmy bspace bb ar
Message: as byou can see, bwhen bI push bthe bspace bbar, ba b come bup. This only happens bon boutlook express. bI justspent b$150 less bthan ba month ago bfor extensive virus protection. b Is this bsomething in byour
system? I corrected the second half of this message by going back and deleting the b's. Please advise.
I laughed when I first read this! I know she is really seeing the break code but I'll be damned if I know how she's able to view a do this in Outlook Express!
[By :rokitt / 2005-05-18] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
ROFL..... I have no idea how to fix it, but it's damn funny... <g> -RiffRaff
bshit it bis contagus. boh bhell!!b! -Enigo
um, if she was really just seeing the brake code, would it have transmitted the b's? unless your system has the brake codes visable, you shouldn't see them either. -drachen
also I've figured out the problem, customer has some gunk between the space bar and the "b" key, causeing the b to be pressed when the space bar is, advise customer to take a q-tip or toothpick or other similar object to the keyboard. -drachen
Thanks drachen. I called and left a message on her voice mail and told her to check that out! :) -rokitt
maybe shes got really fat fingers and can't press just the spacebar on its own? ;P -Inphinity
She must be using Bmail. (As opposed to Gmail.) <All right, all right! I'm out of here! Geez, how sensitive some people are> -TheGhost
thanks rokitt, now I have to clean the Mountain Dew from the monitor.... -wolfprince
Seriously, when I first read this email, I thought it came from Mushmouth...that kid from Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids cartoon. "O-bee K-bee!" :D -rokitt
"I-be..... I-be.....I-be wabus wonberingb, wbhyb thebreb wabas smoboke combing out of my-be moubthbebe" -wolfprince
(from bill cosby visits the dentist for those of you who don't know) -wolfprince
WP - That is classic...and would make a great LART to use on SF. Myb lib is in lapb. -redevil34
Maybe she is tha bass voice in a doo-wop group & she is rehearsing the song "Blue Moon" (Original by The Marcels, IIRC) -lineswine
Customer:I saw your advert in the blassified adds.Travel agent: Classified adds? C: Oh I'm sorry I can't say the letter B. TA: C? Yes that's rigt, it all bomes from a trauma I suffered when I was a sbhool boy. I was attabked by a siamese bat. TA: Cat? C: No a bat, they are more dangerous. TA: umm can say the letter K? C: ah yes Kahki, kind, kipper, Keybord TA: Why don't you use the letter K instead of the letter C? C: You mean....Classified... oh I never thought of that....what a silly Bunt. -Bilkor
Customer:I saw your advert in the blassified adds.Travel agent: Classified adds? C: Oh I'm sorry I can't say the letter B. TA: C? Yes that's rigt, it all bomes from a trauma I suffered when I was a sbhool boy. I was attabked by a siamese bat. TA: Cat? C: No a bat, they are more dangerous. TA: umm can say the letter K? C: ah yes Kahki, kind, kipper, Keybord TA: Why don't you use the letter K instead of the letter C? C: You mean....Classified... oh I never thought of that....what a silly Bunt. -Bilkor
Faulty / Dirty keyboard... -Wonko The Sane
Sorry b- bFaulty b/ bDirty bkeyboard.. -Wonko The Sane
I KNOW THIS ONE! Her Left 'headlight' is getting in the way and bumping the 'b'! -TieDyedDinosaur
reminds me of a joke .. drunk chick at the bar keeps yelling BARFENDER BARFENDER i got heartburn i need a MARTUNI .. bartender walks over .. look lady im a barTender and its a martIni and you dont have heartburn your TIT is in the ash tray !!! -TechBuckett |
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1384.
Subject: The source of all spam
Our company has been inundated with spam emails today, and we sent out an email saying that we know about the problem and are working on having the spam blocked before they get to our filters. We explained that the emails are mostly in German, and their origin is "the worldwide collection of PCs recently infected with the Sober.P worm".
One particular sesame street reject has redefined "worldwide" to only encompass her own pithy little existence...
"At the moment my daughter is over in Germany on a student exchange and she sends me emails from there which I normally have to have cleared. My point is could her emails have started the problem with this spam outbreak?"
I am sooo tempted to reply with "Yes, your daughter broke the internet. Please tell her to stay where she is. The authorities will be in touch."
[By : LadySharky / 2005-05-16] [Top]
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Comments
Yea we are sending out the Black Helos right now. -Deadagent
Oh my, where to begin. -OhioTech
Techs In Black, Move out!! -halfstarfish
*dozens of techs in black surround the daughters room, break down the door, subdue her to the floor, and rescue the poor laptop* Zo, you tink you can get avay wiz zee breaking of teh innter weeb? VE SINK NOT! * produces glowing stick with rm *.* labled on it* Sink warm thoughts.. -Harm
You guys are just getting those now? We had an influx of them two weeks ago. -purplelinguist |
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1381.
Subject: My Reply:
This is my reply to the e-mail from http://www.techcomedy.com/single/single.php?content_number=47292
I figure there's a 50/50 chance that their problem involves e-mail anyway, so the chance of them actually receiving it anytime soon is probably slim. It's actually my second draft; Magenta made me reword the last sentence for some strange reason.
Enjoy:
redneckusername@isp.net wrote:
> fix us?
>
Dear ISP Customer,
Fix your what...?
We are sorry you are having problems, but based on the e-mail you sent us, we have no idea what those problems are, let alone enough information to fix anything. To fix your problem, please contact Technical Support by phone or provide more detailed information by e-mail.
Thank you for using ISP,
RiffRaff
IT Support Specialist
ISP
[By : RiffRaff / 2005-05-15] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
Bless Magenta for her kindness in making you re-write the second sentence! -Ulfgaard
<Evil Twin> CURSE HER!! Damnit!! she ruined what should have been an AWESOME LART! </Evil Twin> -Ulfgaard
Ok, so you had to edit the sentence before sending...why couldn't you post that original version here? Or should we just guess? -redevil34
GAWD DAMMIT WOMAN, GET BACK IN THE KITCHEN AND GET THOSE SHOES OFF!!! Dont be trying to make decisions. Thats for men folk.......Riff emailed me telling me to say that. :D -burrkiss
You were way too nice. You're response should have been "Fixed" -BunnieTechBabe
His the Lusers' banjo resting on his keyboard? -lineswine
"You will have to see a doctor about getting yourself FIXED." -Deadagent
Why get a doctor? Just show up, unannounced, with a chainsaw. -HidariMak |
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1380.
Subject: They Keep Getting Dumber
Everytime I receive a stupid e-mail from one of my even stupider customers, I wonder how much worse it could possibly get. Today, that question was finally answered in the following e-mail, cut & pasted in its entirety, for your amusement:
fix us?
CommanderData had her MCB; DD has his professor with the super glue fetish; I have my customers who believe that their problems can be solved by sending a two-syllable e-mail to Technical Support. Fucking retards. Gee, what to do? Should I respond with a subtlely scathing e-mail that hints at just how stupid they are, or should I just put it where it belongs and delete it? This customer's fate is in your hands.
[By : RiffRaff / 2005-05-15] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
scathing. i vote for scating, especially since i know you'll post that for our enjoyment as well. -rhiannon
Treat ignorance with ignoreance.
-Gerund
I second that - scath away, let 'em have it. -redevil34
I would simply respond: "No" -snJimboip
How about responding with WTF?? -THETECHFROMHELL
If they haven't reproduced I would definitely suggest "fixing" them. -Starfury
how 'bout: "What's broke?" -CTYankee
Naw, send 'em "ain't busted!" -Grue
C'mon, Riff - leave 'em bloody & mangled! -Ulfgaard
BLOODY!! BLOODY!!! BLOODY!!! -TheMage18
Yeah, book them into the veterinary hospital. -teivrann
appropriate response is "yes." -irishxpride
"Please contact Dr. Rusty Knife in Urology with that request. It is beyond the scope of this department." -missourimule
It's very simple - it's a request for you to fix the US. What are you waiting for? Get out there, get elected, and start fixing it, dammit. We want it up and working by friday..... -Shaede
I'd vote for 'em -Darth |
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1378.
Subject: Well forum post,, but close enough...
SF: Please help, I turned Ebay on this morning & all the text has 'supersized' itself.I found out how to alter this if using internet explorer but I use the AOL browser & I haven't a clue what to do.
First thing that came to mind was "Don't use the AOL browser then, spacktard." Second thing that came to mind was "Man, Burkiss would have a field day with this."
[By :flapjackboy / 2005-05-10] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
This is the 'repeater' - the type that will paraphrase everything unnecessarily. This one could have left it at "...but I use the AOL browser" and the rest would have been self-evident. You might need to paraphrase everything you say in reply the same sort of way. -teivrann
I gots your 'supersized' right here. <wiggles it> -burrkiss
Careful BK, wiggle that with a cazt around might get you 'fixed.' Oh, and pass the brain bleach.... -Psudo
Burrkiss, stop waving that thing around. You were the one telling me the other day that you thought you had a pubic hair, but discovered you were wrong when you pissed out of it. <Does Road Runner imitation and speeds off for Universe 5> -RiffRaff
Mmmmm, supersize -Wolph
Come on an Wig-gle It... JUST a Lit-tle bit! </Bad 80's flashback> -ShujinTribble
The first thing I though (after the field day thing, of course) was "AOL's browser IS Internet Explorer." -geektech |
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1377.
Subject: Stupid Manager...
I love it when my manager tries to diagnose the problem with my network... Email as follows >>> The N-Tape Software boots up using a dos disk and needs permissions on the C Drive for her to to be able to read the file or something like that. Once in DOS mode, D drive is not seen anymore. Anyway to modify the boot disk to make the D Drive accessible to the program so that the C drive can remain strict permissions. Otherwise make C drive less strict. -Manager.... My Resolution>>> Tape Drive Plugged in, Tested,, Workes Fine...
[By :wazntme / 2005-05-10] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
You mean it isn't wireless? -TieDyedDinosaur
"Rule # 1: The Manager is always right. Rule # 2: In the event that the Manager is wrong, refer to rule # 1." -TheGhost |
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1376.
Subject: well, it's good they tell you (spam)
the from address: Tracking & Processing Dept. <16762811@spamsenders.net>
[By :illiterate / 2005-05-09] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
HAHA I got the same one this morning; I almost posted it here 'till I saw yours -blazingriver
CALLING CAPTAIN OBVIOUS! CALLING--Oh, hi, didn't see you there...right in front of me... -TranceGemini
I wonder if the e-mail addresses in the web site of the so infamously named canned meat are in the format 'someone@spam.com'. Do the makers of SPAM get spam? -TheGhost
The company:acquire new customers, retain valued existing ones, build brand awareness or increase revenue, Harrison Direct will facilitate direct communications with the best target audience. Or spam the hell out of everyone -STJ |
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1375.
Subject: I don't even know what to make of this
From someone@aol.com to our technical support email address:"
WHAT IS THIS SITE ALL ABOUT? COU;LD YOU TELL ME?"
[By :snJimboip / 2005-05-09] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
He probably stumbled upon your company's website and was puzzled to find it contained no nudity. -Evilturnip
Hmm, I hadn't considered since they were on the internet and sending me email at roughly 1:30 AM eastern that they were probably looking for porn. If they really wanted porn, they should have said so. I think we can dig up those three pictures that a 60 year old gentlemen sent us of himself, naked, hairy, gut sticking out and tiny flaccid manhood dangling there. I don't have any brain bleach, but I'm going to finish off my 2 liter of dew now. -snJimboip
It'd be about as bad as seeing the same 60 yr old singing "I did it all for the nookie..." :-P -vacuumtubes
Answer: "The hokey pokey." -Jay911
"Couples only skate, couples only skate... girls choice. Burkiss, your mother's here to pick you up, she'll meet you out front" -VIPERsssss
Ahhh! It all comes clear now...the mental cripple of an AOHELL Luser found the site didn't have a corresponding 'keywoed' & was totally farked up by this. Tough shit, you cretin! -lineswine
"Answer: "The hokey pokey." -Jay911 " = Best comment of the day
-jard
Reply: 42. Yes. -ShujinTribble |
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1374.
Subject: Mr. Attitude By E-Mail
Please improve your service or I will find another provider. I frequently lose connection.
Please fuck off and die or we will find another customer. We frequently lose patience.
[By : RiffRaff / 2005-05-08] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
Hey, Rif? Sorry, man... If I'd've thought he was going to leave us to join you, I would have just found a way to disable his networing stuff 100%. (On a side note, isn;t it amazing how many of these "your server is droping my connection! Fix It!" emails are easilly fixed with "TOOLS - OPTIONS - CONNECTIONS - Hang Up After Sending And Recieving Emails... >>uncheck<< - Apply - OK"?) -ShujinTribble
ST - true, true... -Psudo
Shit I hope that arsehole does not choose cable. -THETECHFROMHELL
I too confess many of the "Your service stinks, your servers keep kicking me" (since when did servers establish your physical connection? Thought that is what our modem banks did), but yeah, OE hang up after s/r is generally the cause. That or line noise. Sometimes bad enough that during the phone call I can hear not one other conversation but two on the customer's line. "Ma'am, you hear those other conversations? That is why you keep getting kicked" "It's always been that way, when are you going to fix your servers?" -snJimboip
Gotta love when they yell RIGHT THROUGH THE LINE NOISE at you about their poor connection! Here's a clue for ya, Zippy - it ain't supposed to sound like you're on a walkie-talkie! Call up the phone company (assuming they'll have any better luck hearing/understanding you) and leave me the frack alone! -PTSTech
"Dear sir, we all feel a certain sense of ennui and estrangement these days, but your Internet service provider can hardly be to blame. We merely convey information to you and are not responsible for the ugly doings in the world depicted on so many sites. We suggest seeking competent mental health professionals to undergo counseling with to return you to feeling connected. Have a wonderful day." -suitepotato |
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1373.
Subject: WARNING: IQ Drop Alert!
Read at your own risk:
I just sent you an email, but I sent it from outlook. My address through you is: misspelled.word@isp.net. Since one of my problems is that I'm not getting my email in outlook, that could be a big problem.
Ima Starfish
I don't even know where to begin...
[By : RiffRaff / 2005-05-08] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
Can you read this now? No? Good. -Bobsentme
Yes, it's a big problem. Unfortunately most email clients suffer from it. They are so unreliable that you only have to mis-spell your username for them to go completely to pieces. Having tried mis-spelling it in Outlook and had a problem, you could try mis-spelling it in Outlook Express and see if it's any better. If all else fails, try mis-spelling it using Webmail - that probably won't work either but it's SO much simpler to screw up. Have a nice day, signed Ima BOFH. -Gromit
If you misspell it in Webmail (misspelling $Webmail, that is), you might get lucky and get spyware and virii so bad that you have to take the computer to the shop and pay a nice guy named Steve, with a 3 foot bright red mohock and a chain going from nipple ring to nipple ring, $100 to reinstall Windows 95 while whistling the tune "I'm in the Money" the whole time. -geektech
As soon as I contact her via phone, the referee's coming out on the middle of the field--and he's going to say "Offsides, number 47, Myra Fellatio Fucknugget, customer wasting bandwith with stupid questions, shut down and restart penalty initiated, still first down...." -vacuumtubes |
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1372.
Subject: log on
"My name is Susie Starfish, this is the third time I've been trying to log on, but I can't. I used the id STARFISH. either that wrong or my password is wrong 000000000. Can you please help." Like the first two times, I told you that that isn't your password, but your student number. Like the first two times, I will again give you instructions on how to reset your password. Should I start a betting pool on how many problem report submissions it will take you to do this?
[By :aeryn / 2005-05-07] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
Five more; at the very least. I'd bet my life. -RainyDaze
Set her user id and password to her student ID? -Divinar
Set her password to imamoron :-P -Torinir
(With apologies to Scott Adams) Userid: Starfish, password: ***** (five asterisks) -lineswine |
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1371.
Subject: Honest to goodness.
First a disclaimer: My first post, so be mercy. Second, I am not making this up. I'm copying verbatim except for the players identities. The following is an actual read notice I just received on my e-mail: ---- "The message sent on Fri, 6 May 2005 07:31:59 -0600 to <name.edited@ss1-tonatiuh.sv.u7203.unilever.com> with subject "(content edited)" has been read. This is no guarantee that the message has been read or understood." -------- Ye speak truth! Thankee sai!
[By : TheGhost / 2005-05-06] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
Corporate double-speak, or a violation of Rule #1? -ThreeBucks
Oh, yes, grasshopper. I am *very* familiar with this concept. I work in the cell phone industry, which, as we all know, has contracts for service. Now, the intelligent ones, like those here, *know* that when you sign *any* contract, you're legally verifying that you not only *read* and *understood* the content, but you are *legally binding* yourself to be held by said content. So, why do people claim they "didn't know" it meant that "Term A" applied to *them*? Because you signed it, you dink! Of course, a read receipt is slightly different, as it merely means the message was opened. (Or does it mean simply that the message was *received*?) -missourimule
OK, I'll be Mercy if you'll be Sue. Welcome to the Sick Basta...uhhh TechComedy. -VIPERsssss
Thanks. I'm going todash now... -LaserGuru
King/Gunslinger fans all over the place here...I love it! -Grue
Thankee sai yourownself for a funny first post, sai! ;D -halfstarfish
Fact. -TranceGemini |
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1370.
Subject: Norton AV and Sober
Not really an email to me so much as a virus. I am gettig emails in my Yahoo account, all of them 72k (Sober virus). At the bottom of each email it says it was scanned by Norton Antivirus 2005 and yet they are still in my inbox. No warnings. I hate Norton AV.
[By :ecoli / 2005-05-06] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
IIRC that message is not really from the Norton AV but is part of the scam - anyone remember seeing this? -AllStationary
I've got customers getting them too, except they say: No Virus found "<MY CLIENT'S NAME> Anti Virus" which I've never seen before. -Jeckler
AllStationary, I think I remember that too. This is (apparently) one time when NAV is NOT to blame. -QuinTech
'This is not the virus that you have been looking for.' (/Obiwan) -TieDyedDinosaur
Ok, I'm red faced. Should have seen it was part of the virus's camoflage(sp?) nature. I don't think hiding in the Lart shelter is gonna help, I'll take my Larts like the professional that I am! <Cowers in a corner> -ecoli
Yup. Yahoo uses AVG anyway, not Norton. -missourimule
Yeah, don't blame Norton this time... plus, the Norton Corporate edition clients actually works quite well.... uh-oh... let the flaming begin!!!!! -CleetusVanDamme
missourimule & CleetusVanDamme, I got curious and checked. Yahoo is using Norton at this time, not AVG. -ecoli
Yeah, the ones we get say something like "Scanned by <ISP> Antivirus" -namor
if they track down the guy who wrote this virus, I don't care how thick his glasses are I'm going to punch him in the face. -drachen
I'll second what cleetus had to say about norton corporate. it's great, the home edition continues to suck @ss however... -mwad
"This response scanned by Billy Joe's Super Scum Killer Anti-virus. Please step away from the machine for a moment. <sound of shotgun chambering a round>" -missourimule
Punishments for virus-writers: 1st offence, break all knuckles with pliers, smash remaining bones in the hands with ball-pin hammer. 2nd offence, a "Royal" death, a'la Edward II (red hot poker up the {where the sun does not shine}, S-L-O-W-L-E-Y!). -Wraith556 |
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1369.
Subject: Hello, [email username].
That lastpost made me think of all the spam I get that's addressed to "[email username]" (don't ask me why, it just did). One in particular spamail was addressed to "abuse". Something to the effect of "Hello abuse, you have been pre-selected to recieve this great offer."
[By :geektech / 2005-05-06] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
Is this the right Email address for abuse ? Monty Python -Deadagent
"But I e-mailed you for an argument..." -drachen
One of my email addresses is chasw@<isp>.net. "Hello chasw, you have been approved..." -> bit bucket. I also catch things from the info and support aliases. Anyone who says support@ sent them something is lying; it can't. But there is some spammer who has decided that my name is Cao Merideth and I want to mortgage property I own in some place in California that I've never heard of... -chazz
No you didnt. -Deadagent |
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1367.
Subject: TOSHIBA2060 --- 11001 ERROR /INTERNET DI
(keep in mind that English is his fist language) /// MAY 5, 2005
I cannot connect to (ISP) with a Toshiba 2060 laptop.
I get a 11001 error signal . There is the doublescreen that says running at 24,000 but neither INTERNET EXPLORER 5.5 or Eudora connects with same internet
options information as this computer . A diagnostic check says there is no laptop problem; this problem has persisted for a week and I have done a complete
reinstall of Windows 98 SD , Eudora 6.2 and IE 5.5 . Original file info before and after the reinstall
allows printing and A: drive works . I think it is a software connect stupidity mistake , but I cannot get the online web browser or e-mailer to work . What can you advise to get me on line to (ISP) again. ///
DR. (customer) ///
P.S. This may be aftermath of the April 9 , 2005 fryouts of two other computers which some function now exists after power supply change . One of these gives a 630 modem advice but says modem is working properly on diagnostics .
[By :ShutUpAndHangUp / 2005-05-05] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
English is his fist language ? Oh burrkiss .... -Necros
Hahaha! Whoops! -ShutUpAndHangUp
double plus good that is... -LaserGuru
he's right, it is a stupidity mistake, his stupidity is creating an error in my brain -razmann
I suspect they may have duplicate device entries. One is flagged as not working, the other one is. It's really one of those annoying re-itemizing actions that Winders seems to like to do when the weather changes too fast. -TieDyedDinosaur
Well... regardless, it's beyond scope. I have a feeling I could understand semaphore better than I understand this guy. Another classic line from his response to me: "The Eudora internet options is the same on laptop TOSHIBA as this computer I am e-mailing to you bought to replace the two fryouts of April 9, 2005." -ShutUpAndHangUp
I should just tell him that we can not help, as we do not support Windows SD. -ShutUpAndHangUp
He said he was e-mailing a computer to you? Did he put it on the copier to get a picture, then scan it, take a print-screen, post it into an e-mail and send it? -TieDyedDinosaur
err, Im gona go pet my cat now -Deadagent
I now have a headache from trying to make sense of the Lusers' email. -lineswine
Windows 98SP? Is that like Mac OS-XP or Windows 2KME? -AgentV3
He should switch to Windows CE/ME/NT. Like his head. -ShutUpAndHangUp |
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1366.
Subject: head/sphincter seperation needed
ANTIMORON,
Thanks for your reply. But I have to tell you that this is UNUSUAL. For the 28th
for instance there are 12 SPAMS that came thru individually (not on the SPAM list)..
This has NEVER happened before, and I RARELY got a SPAM email individually.
Something must have changed at your end!!!
The only thing I can think of is, could this be related to the fact that our Hard Drive
had to be replaced recently? Is it possible we lost some preferences I don't know
about - related to <spam filter>?
I don't want the system to be any more aggressive than it WAS. Any ideas.????
Also I DO realise you can't catch everything, but this is definitely not good enough.
Thanks
*fish
>>> * Is there a name for whats wrong with you? You don't want the spam filter to be more aggressive, but you want it to stop more spam... Ask your working brain cell to jump start another one. ... my car is out of gas, and it won't drive... but it was WORKING before... I dont want to put GAS in it... I just want it to work... SMOKE A CAT TURD.
[By :antimoron / 2005-05-03] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
<cough><cough> ...ugh. This cat-turd smoke tastes terrible. -chefque
HHHHMMmmmmmm...Tastes a little fishy to me.....I'd guess Tender Vittles maybe? -ChildofCthulhu
Crunchy < robin williams referance> -Harm
sounds like EVERY USER I TALK TO: "I don't want all this spam, but I NEED this other (junkmail, spam, listmail) why are you blocking all my mail?" -MamaTech
sounds like they do need a cephaloanalectomy (the surgical removal of ones head from their ass) -razmann
Dear *fish, This change may be due to my adding you to the "SPAM My Ass" and "Zombie Goat bukkake" e-mail lists. As a special gift for responding to my -email, I have alos added you to the "Domestic Terrorist Weekly" mailling list. -Oblivious
Have these people no concept of how to add things to their safe lists?...I apologize for the preceding sentence, please disregard it and don't hurt me! -TranceGemini |
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1365.
Subject: Happy New Web Site!
"Thanks for the help. Ok, so testing is a no go, I can go the subfolder route; however, I'm a bit unsure as to how to upload into a subfolder exactly, and then which path to use from a browser to arrive at the pages i want to preview. Any help here would be greatly appreciated."
In our webmaster mailbox. After being told he can just upload the new 'testing' site into a subfolder of the existing site.
[By :namor / 2005-05-03] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
And can't figure out how Outlook Explorer is going to allow him to do that! -TieDyedDinosaur
I'm just more baffled by the idea that they created a whole new corporate website, but the concept of 'folders' eludes them. -namor
He's probably unsure on how to ftp into a subfolder of the domain? -docbrown01 |
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1361.
Subject: Cannot get into closed account
"When I closed my accounts, I did not expect to be denied access to my account records before all the transactions were complete."
Oh, I understand. You just wanted us to close your account, but still let you into the closed account. That is why we call it a closed account, because it is closed and no one can get in, you nimrod.
[By :OhioTech / 2005-05-02] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
Sorry to foil your brilliant plan, Snidely. -Owie
I thought only Adelphia left your email account active after you dropped them like a booger from the Sphinx's nose. -LaserGuru
your not "denied" access to your accounts, your accounts have been fuckin deleted, we are not denying anything they are gone, forget about it and move on, that is in the past, lets move on <whoops slipped into Tony Blair mode then> -Armakuni
Armakuni, I'd rather you didn't use language like that on TSC. I'm kinda allergic to people who use 'Tony' and 'Blair' in the same sentence without including the word 'prat'. -Gromit
Did you ask them what they *did* expect? ...course, does it even matter? -RainyDaze |
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1359.
Subject: Ad spotted on Google...
Norton Help & Support\
Geeks-By-Minute to your rescue.\
Call 1-888-286-GEEK (4335) Today.\
www.GeeksByMinute.com
[By :geektech / 2005-04-30] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
And how much do they charge per minute? More than Zombie Goat Bukkake.com? BFEG. -halfstarfish
1.99 cc, 2.99 1-900.. sadly, it doesn't have a help-wanted link. i'd be curious to see what they require of their applicants, after the way they whore their services on the site. -illiterate
A pulse -Deadagent |
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1358.
Subject: Stupid E-Mail of the day:
I paid!
That's it in its idiotic entirety. Didn't even come from my ISP's domain, so I can't even look up the account. My reply: "Thank you for your payment. If you are experiencing trouble, do you think you could perhaps be more specific?"
Fucking morons.
[By : RiffRaff / 2005-04-30] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
I pay, every time i phone NTL, well mentally anyway :) -Armakuni
How about sending back, "I didn't get paid!!!" and see if you can have fun and get more info at the same time? -CTYankee
So did I, fishie, so did I. In blood, sweat and farkin tears, then one day I wised up. Shame you never will. -Digital Dogcow
I paid! YAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY I PAID! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!</Special Ed> -vacuumtubes
"You're account was turned over to collections. The payment you sent in only covered 1.4% of the total amount due." -geektech |
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1357.
Subject: I don't do that!
So the client hires temps to do work for them, usually three month contracts. They do it all the time infact. In order for these contractors to get NT accounts and email, they need to fill out a non-associate access form. The form gets faxed to a different department in a different state. The managers know this. So on Tuesday I received 2 tickets that new contractors would be starting next Monday. Our intranet, where the form resides online, dies, so a manager emails me for a copy. I told him I don't have one, but another person had emailed him one JUST THE WEEK BEFORE! So the next day I get an email from him with 1 filled-out form attached. I can see where this is going, but I figure he can't be so stupid as to think I can create the accounts. The form has an entire page that only says how to submit the form. I didn't reply at the time. Today rolls around and I replied to him telling him that the phones have been setup and where does he want them. I also put "Great, as soon as *head office* gets them, they'll create the accounts and I can finish up the PC's.", in response to the first form. He replies with the second form. Replied back asking "So you're faxing those up to *head office* right? I can't do anything with them". These last two salvos took place over the course of 3 minutes. 10 minutes later he replies "Oh yeah, I just sent them out". So basuically, since he couldn't figure out to send the forms up to the people who actually do it, his two contractors get to sit on their asses until their accounts gets setup and I can finish the PC's. I figure it'll be at least Tuesday, maybe afternoon.
[By :Jeckler / 2005-04-29] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
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1356.
Subject: user id
my name is [Ms. Starfish]. my user id is [blahblah]. can you please fix this for me, thanks
[By :kman52000 / 2005-04-29] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
Bang. OK, next! -TieDyedDinosaur
Don't you need to got to the Vet for this kinda stuff? -Jeckler
passwd [blahblah]<ENTER> | CANCELLED2005<ENTER> | CANCELLED2005<ENTER> | make passwd<ENTER> | "Now Serving Number Fourty-Two, Please?" -ShujinTribble
I prefer "disavowed," myself. <g> -RiffRaff
<CLICK-wirrr> Good evening, Mister Riff-Raff.... -ShujinTribble
If you do personal support, a batch script is easy to whip up which you can then run arbitrarily with Task Scheduler. With it, you can change the user's password every time to something based on a formula of your choosing, whatever you can get in a batch file, and this is always fun. (On the 5th of Novemeber)"Your password is 5st4rf1sh." (On the 6th of November) "Your password is 6st4rf1sh." And so on... They never catch on to the pattern... -suitepotato
suitepotato, I can vouch for that, given when I got my watch I wondered what the mode was that displayed the funny stuff at the top. It took me a bit to realize that the "funny stuff" was the day, 1-31 of the the month -dilbert4ever |
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1355.
Subject: Re: Can someone tape [a tv show] for me
[This is from a Yahoo group, not from a customer.] I have been unable to see the [show] even though I have followed all the necessary instruction that were given. I keep getting "This is not a valid torrent file (not a valid bencoded). Now I am of the generation that came up before the computer revolution so I am needless to say a bit handicapped when it comes to them, so, will someone please explain to me in human terms how I can obtain this downloaded file. BTW. how did we allow these fucking geeks to impose there convoluted world on us to the degree that we are now dancing by there music.
[By : concept14 / 2005-04-28] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
Somehow I lost all desire to try to help him. Wonder why? BTW I grew up before the computer revolution but I don't feel handicapped in dealing with them. Needless to say. -concept14
<points a gun at starfish's feet and shoots bullets made of 1's and 0's at him>"Dance, little monkey boy, dance!" -rokitt
rokitt, you need to look at the broad picture.. (Hands her a Howitzer with a smile) Go to town, now. -ShujinTribble
Rokitt, I think you're aiming at the wrong end of the leg. -HidariMak
It's such a terrible fricking world, you know, when you don't have to wait five months for a show to go into re-runs.. It's such a !@#$ing tragedy that someone is giving you the show for free. fossil. -illiterate
Give him the RIAA's email address and tell him they'll help. -thx1138
LOL @ thx. I'll get right on that... -CTYankee
Shouldn't that be the MPAA Thx? Why would the RECORDING INDUSTRY be concerned with him downloading a video? Personally, if I was feeling evil, I'd give him the contact info to the legal department of the network...;) -docbrown01
Sorry, I meant TV Network. -docbrown01
Here's how you get the show: 1. Download (malicious script that copies contents of hdd and emails it to the RIAA and MPAA.) this and run it. 2. Post back when you have gotten out of court. -seventh
Grew up before the computer revolution? Heck, I'm 43, and I never grew up! -CyBear
Hey CyBear...so am I!. As for this dickhead that asks for help, what sort of person is it that would know how to help him? Yep, that's right...geeks. Now he can fuck off & go listen to his steam-driven radio'cos it looks like he shouldn't go near his PC again. It isn't the geeks' fault he is too stupid/impatient/clueless to RTFM, now is it? -lineswine
<TechOgre looks a little too innocent> So, what was the yahoo group you were in? Why? Oh, no reason... >8-) -TechOgre
Steam-driven radio... Yeah, I gots me some o' those. Gotta get 'em fuelled up... I'll just use the wood-burner for now, 'till the kerosene wagon comes by. Yep. (Not kidding... much: I have vacuum-tube AM and FM tuners that, last I tried 'em, still worked. They've been on the shelf so long that I'll have to start them off at low voltage to allow the electrolytic capacitors to re-form... otherwise, they'll explode, and some of them are nearly irreplaceable now.) -chazz |
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1354.
Subject: sounds about right
Hi IT support
Got a problem with my Media Player. Tried a few wav files and they all play too fast. Sounds like Mickey Mouse on illegal substances!
Made me laugh
[By :nightwalker21 / 2005-04-28] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
Its those darn chipmunks 'speedin' again! -TieDyedDinosaur
There was a whole shipment of Dell computers whose sound drivers were corrupted that way. Dell had the fix on their website _before_ they shipped me the computers (!)
-Divinar |
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1353.
Subject: Spam
IF we send you spam, why can't you press charges. There is a law now.
d.umbass@isp.net
[By :itwasntme / 2005-04-28] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam! -imawreque
Bloody Vikings! (well, someone had to say it!) -CTYankee
We don't need to sue. We can just shut your account down! <click> -PTSTech
(Levels the Mod 4 Mk.II shoulder-mounted, gyro-stabilized, di-folgers crystal energized PhoTorp LARTLauncher at imawreque...) CTY.. you want those Vikings just "bloody" or "Self-cleaning oven ash" well-done? (Spam spewers and skript-kiddies should be hung by thier scrotums with dental floss, far as I care.) -ShujinTribble
Oh fear not, if *you* send me spam I will press charges! -viennasausage
that is why you never click on the box, or aggree to anything about sending your info to third party vendors that all to e-mail you. If you click on it, you asked for it. They have proof so don't lie. -JackMackle |
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1352.
Subject: *cough* say what?
Hi,
The last few days I've been having a problem with saving documents to a folder on one of our shared drives, L:\templates. It tells me there is a permissions error and to contact my administrator.
This started happening immediately after the funny little man in red came by the other day to help me set it up so that nobody can save to the templates folder on L: drive.
Please advise whether anything he did may have caused this. Also, next time someone comes around can you ask them to please not wear red?
Regards,
[By :Inphinity / 2005-04-27] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
The funny little man in red? Santa Claus visited them in April? Damn, he's getting an early start on Christmas presents to tech support. -mccallister
Get him to wear grey and get him to tell everyone he's really wearing red, they're all just colour-blind. -teivrann
Reminds me of a phrase from here that I haven't seen used in a while: "And the users exclaimed with a laugh and a taunt, 'It's just what we asked for, but not what we want!'" -Grue
Re: "nobody" means you to. *cough*dumbass*cough* -geektech
The problem being that apparently the lawn gnome set it up to not save there, and now he's wondering why he can't. -namor
Chances are, the Lawn Gnome has a clue & the fishie doesn't. -lineswine
If he was on an away mission and he was wearing red, then I'm sorry to tell you he is no longer with us. -K1W1
Ensign Monster Bait! -Jeckler
Satan pops up on their shoulder to give them advice and they blame you.... that doesn't seem right -Westgate
WTF? Lawn gnomes doing on-site support? -Evilturnip
you should get dressed in and paint any exposed skin (such as hands and face) in a candy apple red with red glitter and then go help her. When she gets upset, tell her that it is company policy that tech support must wear red when working a job and if she has a problem, then she doesn't get help. -jwinc7
"'I love you, I love you,' said the little blue man..." Did hers appear wherever she happened to be? -suitepotato |
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1350.
Subject: My email is gone!!
PLEASE send us back all of our email we had on saturday 4/23/05
we need our INbox outbox sent mail and contacts replaced!!!
we have no idea what happened to the email we are hoping it
is something on your end you can FIX!!!
[By :itwasntme / 2005-04-26] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
uh, no....we can't fix customer stupidity...... -tech4alltrades
SF: Hello is this the postoffice? PO: yepp. SF: I dropped all the letter in the sink this morning and in order to dry them I threw them into the fire. Sooo can you resend us the letters? PO: errr... -Bilkor
<to postoffice>. . .could you also include the addresses of everyone I know? In all the confusion of trying to dry the mail in the fire, I seem to have lost my address book. -wenwilli
<to the post office> also, my cat has seemed to run away, my sink is leaking, my spouse is cheating on me, and somone keeps sending me anthrax, oh...and I want a new MAILLLLLBOOOOOXXXXXXXX. </to the post office> see now it sounds like a REAL tech support call. -xtc46
xtc: We can fix the cat by deleting some extranious bits that spawn child processes, your cheating spouce just needs a new hobby.. I suggest Full-Body Duct-tape Macrome', the Anthrax makes a nice salad topping at your next family reunion and the sink's leak could be plugged with those afore-mentioned "extranious bits". Where would you like to start? -ShujinTribble |
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1347.
Subject: Attitude Will Get You Nowhere
i do not like this conn. it knocks me off line all the time this needs to be fixed i am in a game and knocks me off i dont like that i need something in return for that. i can go some where else
Yeah, well, don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
[By : RiffRaff / 2005-04-24] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
WElll....I don't like Aohell...and I'm leaving it. I'm going for Mozilla/Firefox, MSN, G-mail, and the various messengers. Aohell, as soon as I finish the downloads, "golf puck use elf". Sorry, Riff, for the spam. -halfstarfish
Well fine then! If you don't like it, I'll just let Mr. Sulu have the conn. -angrymacface
You know riff, this leaves you open for a VERY "less than nice" comment, but I will refrain. -lineswine
"should have cut him off mid sentence when he got to the "ill go somewhere else" and informed him you have already put the order in to remove their service and someone will be out tommorow to take it out. Thank you and have a nice day. *click* -pancakeninja
"When the door hits you on the ass on the way out, please wipe the door clean" -Divinar
angrymacface - Mr. Sulu? the Conn? (Blink-blink) [Cueue histerical, tear-faced, hyperventalating, chest-pain, fall-off-my-rolling-chair, histerical, eye-clenching laughter] -ShujinTribble |
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1346.
Subject: Actual Trouble Ticket
ie IS BUSTIS AXE CUST TO REIONSTALL ie
[By :geektech / 2005-04-24] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
ALERT! STARFISH WORKING TECH SUPPORT! AOOGA AOOGA! -halfstarfish
ugh, that looks like our collections short hand. I mean for cripes sake, just type it out, but the time I decypher it, I could have been done. -pancakeninja
"Your fingers are too fat. To order a special typing wand, mash the keyboard with your palm... now." -LoTech
Starfish in IT, Intruder alert! Intruder alert! All SPC personnel be on the lookout! -RandalGraves
It appears the "tech" is havening a problems with typeing.... -angrymacface
I would walk to whoever left that's desk and beat them with their keyboard. -snJimboip
George? -Harm
Translation. I am going to install a bustis ax in your ass tonight. -burrkiss
Doing tier 2 tech support for Earthlink, I used to get escalations that said "I'm to stupid to cut and paste." First time was ha, ha. Second time was ok, odd. Third time they did it, I got ticked. -STJ
"Intruder Allert! Intruder Allert! Stop the humanoid! Stop The Instruder!" </Classic_80's_Videogame_Ref> -ShujinTribble
Thank you halfstarfish, your comment gave me a great visual image of red emergency lights going off in a support office. Great laugh :) -paul
Yo ....U be gettin Ebonics Tech support -ELKabong |
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1345.
Subject: Re: PHP
[This is a group member email, not a customer email.] "Honey, .php isn't even an extension that can possibly be a photograph. So I'm not sure what you're trying to say, but php NEVER is a graphic image. PHP is code. If you've got photos that are .php you're the first person in the history of computers to do so."
[By : concept14 / 2005-04-24] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
Further along in the discussion of whether certain attached files were legit, the same person offers up this contribution to the world's store of knowledge: "I give up. As a web hosting company owner and someone deeply involved in all facets of the internet I was trying to point out that what you were claiming was impossible. But you insist on sticking by your absolutely impossible claim, instead of admitting that maybe there are other options here.
Do you honestly think the rest of us believe you've discovered graphic php files? What color is the sky where you live?
You can have the last word: this has gone on long enough and I'm not going to discuss an absolutely impossible issue further."
-concept14
Virus maybe? -Bobsentme
.psp (Paint Shop Pro) files? Or alternatively she's found files that have been linked to at a URL ending in .php and saved the web page, rather than the image? -DavidHM
They were just JPEGs with unusual names. Mr. Hotshot Internet Entrepreneur was too scared to actually take a look. -concept14
I think DavidHM is right about the source of the name. The images were probably originally served up dynamically on some web site running a PHP program, and when someone else saved them they managed to get .php in the file names. -concept14
<DA>One of Micro$oft's older programs (Microsoft Home Publishing) actually saves it's files using the .php extension</DA> -ElPolloDiablo
Technically speaking, you can name a JPG .whatever the hell you want as long as the server sends back a content-type: image/jpeg with that file type any good web browser will show the image. Of course, IE will offer to download a .whatever the hell you want file instead. -snJimboip
<devil's advocate>Images that are fetched via PHP are often saved as PHP when you right click on the image and click 'Save as...' -geektech
I'm with geektech on this. PHP get fetch almost any file type, provided the correct mime type is sent in the http header. You can stream an MP3 through a .php extension if you want (I've actually done that myself for a jukebox setup). -pmillipede |
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1342.
Subject: Another winner from the daily SF email.
can you send me he text of this message. I do not remember
sending to this address.
Thanks
D. Umbass
[By :itwasntme / 2005-04-22] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
*click "Reply"* *add all of co-worker's addresses to Bcc: field* *click "send"* Done. -missourimule
Click "Forward", plug in his email address, and click "Send" :) -geektech |
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1341.
Subject: Re: HijackThis Log
After reviewing a customer's HijackThis log I emailed him instructions on how to clean his system, which included removing some software. Here's his response:
Are you saying that weatherbug is a bad application and I have to remove it? It certainly provides a very useful function...
-customer's name removed-
Then he sent this one:
Or, stated another way, is there a way to do this w/o losing the weatherbug application?
-customer's name removed-
Here's my response to him:
Dear -customer-,
I don’t know how to remove the infection while keeping the application. You’re the first person who has ever asked that. I will have to do some research and get back to you with the results
There is a program called WeatherWatcher, available from http://www.singerscreations.com/ that does not include any spyware/adware objects. You might want to try it instead of WeatherBug.
Thanks,
ch41nbr8kr.
[By : ch41nbr8kr / 2005-04-21] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
Amazing! I just dealt with 2 users at a remote office whose machines were so polluted with spyware that they required data backed up & loaded on different machines. They were told firmly not to install Weatherbug again (which they did the moment I left). Then I get angry calls from them because they're getting spyware again! According to Weatherbug reps, it doesn't load spyware but anti-spyware experts say it does allow "partners" to display ads that WILL load crap. My boss is having me do a forensic exam on the machines I pulled out of their office so he can LART them for misuse of company property. Yay! -Tekkie
Why? why? why? How many times per day when I have a customer reboot his PC say something like 'oh, here comes weatherbug. I hate it, but I like it". -Evilturnip
One more reason to use Firefox: the ForecastFox extension. Works just fine. -teivrann
Honest to.. well... I had to deal with a customer who had the OLD WeatherBug on his system with spyware / adware / scumware.. his user name? "gator". Try to imagine me knowing what was comming as soon as he told me he had WxBug installed... and dreading the momnet when I would have to explaine it. (He actually took it well, though!) -ShujinTribble
I had a user that put Weatherbug on our computer request form under 'Other Applications.' Needless to say, we didnt install it. -pcmacman
I just head for the local newsstation website. Weather, sattelite photos, and no spyware. -halfstarfish
I have the weather channel one, so far no spyware. of course every time i check the weather half the page is commercials. -ewspy87 |
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1340.
Subject: way r you all keep e-mail me
way r you all keep e-mail me for
hi how r you
I left my SF->smartspeak translator at home, anyone care to take a crack at this?
[By :itwasntme / 2005-04-21] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
7h3 p0w3r 0ƒ 7r4n$£470r$!!
W3 n33Ð 0n3 7h47 7r4n$£473$ $74rƒ1$h.. h3h3h -imawreque
Oh god, Not only did I understand that comment, but when I first looked at it I didn't even realize I was ready the "1337 $p34k, d00d" -snJimboip
The same about the comment. And to take a crack on SF email: "Why are you keeping my email?". Probably meaning he hasn't received any email and claims ISP is holding them somewhere. And now I am seriosly worried for my state of mind; if I really decyphered both comment and original correctly, I have been working with SFs too long! -NordicPT
I think it's "why do you keep emailing me?" -SouthernMyst
*Tries to resusictate Babelfish* HERMAN! -halfstarfish
I woke up my babelfish and pointed him at this: he took one look, told me to fuck off and went back to sleep. Sorry mate, you're on your own. -Gromit
Oh crap I have been doing this far too long. I understood the email & the comment. The starfish is getting a variant of the Sircam virus which has the subject line "Hi! How are you?" and its spoofing your emaill address ..... I can't believe I understood that straight off, some-one please kill me now! -PID1
Answer: U pay us we be givin U bak UR email. HAR! -DoctorTech
All your pr0n r belong to us -ecoli
We keep emailing you because you keep asking us how we are doing!!! -seventh
All your mail are belong to us! -Harm
Gotta go with PID1 on this. That's the first thing I thought of. Imawreque's line was as good as plain text to me, too. Sigh. I've been doing this too long. -TechnoVampire
IQ test with Starfish, Huh ? OK, IQ Points! Everybody LIMBO! ;-) -Necros
Keep your dang mouse... I want a new babelfish! Mine just keeled over after I understood that load of excrement -garwain
I would also like a new Babelfish. I only had Herman a week! :( (jk) -halfstarfish |
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1339.
Subject: I thought you said you fixed it?!!
Hi Inphinity,
(Manager) asked me to check with you about the new staff member starting & their PC access, so that they can check out these HOT titties that we have
Tons of Downloadable DVD'S all direct to you!
Check it out here.
Better an end with pain, than pain with no end. 3) They call you dad.
Being cool, is not trying to be cool. Ability can take you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there.
After all is said and done, more is said than done. Your circulation it corrects To overcome evil with good is good, to resist evil by evil is evil.
True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it is lost. Nah I dont like it.
Regards,
(EU)
uhm... ok .... cheers for that ...
[By :Inphinity / 2005-04-20] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
Hmm. Burkis wann take this one?
-blazingriver
okay, well it is 4:20. maybe they got a little carried away? -drachen
that should be 4/20. not 4:20 then again if the e-mail was sent 4:20am/pm on 4/20 it would have to be extra stonerly -drachen
Wow. Was that a for real email? Or a checkup on the local spam filters? -mousie
I'm not sure what it's all about yet lol, I replied uhhh.. enquiring what it was meant to translate to -Inphinity |
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1337.
Subject: Trying to be cool, ending up a*hole
Luser's reply to our very polite mail explaining a certain wlan card will not support 64-bit XP (Sorry, no star, no format): =====
Hi <manufacturer>, //
Wazzup with those drivers. If you are 2 lazy to make 64 bit drivers i recomment other products and never buy <manufacturer's name> anymore. Who do YOU think you are. //
Hope you can give me the status of your progress to make 64 bit drivers, other answers i will not accept. //
Thank for nothing,//
<Snobb>//
==== I copied luser's email verbatim. What irritates me is that English is not his native language but he still tries to be "cool". Besides, the card he is neeping about is 3 years old model, which will be EOL in 6 months, something already explained to him.
[By : NordicPT / 2005-04-20] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
Yeah, there's no arguing with people like this. These are among the worst types of starfish. Men like this walk around with their chests puffed out like gorillas, looking like they have a stick up their ass the size of a cellphone tower. Women like this go sailing through the mall going *clop*clop*clop*clop*clop* like they have a couple of coconuts on their feet. Best to steer clear of them. -teivrann
"I will never buy another <manufacturer> wlan card from the bargain bin at BestBuy unless you do exactly what I want NOW!" -QuinTech
He's not gonna be recommending a shitload of hardware, then. -namor
These are the same people who say, "Well, why don't you have MS-DOS 6.22 drivers for your USB 2.0 card?!?! I want your supervisor!!!" -TechOgre
That'w ehn you plitely respond that it will be supported for 64 bit in about 6 months.... -BunnieTechBabe
This is the same type of person that thinks .. hrmm my windows 98 computer from 1999 is running slow .. let's put that new WinXP on it! -seventh
seventh - You just got me to thinking about the old "Space: 1999" ComLocks.... Damnit! Where's mine?! It's farging 2005 already! -ShujinTribble
This sounds like the type of customer I'd get when at Cornerstone neeping about lack of support for a video card made in 1993 that they were trying to use on a W98 system. -Starfury |
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1336.
Subject: Say What?
i was member with this site and i had problem at my windows.
and if me wanna be back my site this dont wanna opened .
i dont know why ?
{sings}six-foot, seven-foot, eight-foot bunch! Daylight come and me wanna go home!{/sings}
[By : RiffRaff / 2005-04-19] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
Oh great... now the moron's on the phone. He talks worse than he writes. "Sir, I can't understand a word you're saying." I said that to him right in front of my GM. Fuck these people. If they can't be arsed to learn the fucking language of the country in which they live, I'm not going to be arsed to try to understand their fucking mumbo-jumbo. Asshats. -RiffRaff
Riff...that song is a lot better if you sing it "six inch seven inch eight inch LUNCH!" I actually made someone wet himself laughing with that. -halfstarfish
Every time I pick up a bottle of water now, I carefuly check the label to make sure it doesnt say "Bottled in Indiana". -Digital Dogcow
Eek, I think I'm turning into Burkiss's little sister or something! SCARY THOUGHT! *runs for Pondlife....* -halfstarfish
do you have that call recorded? -Bynar
No recording of that one, sorry. -RiffRaff
Jar Jar trying to get on the intraweb? -PTSTech
Puh-leeze don't tell me this was Mr. Lansana..... -vacuumtubes
*tsk*Riff, I can't believe YOU couldn't translate the email. It's obvious the guy needs more gigglehertzes in his RAM...I mean come on...DUH!{BFEG} -rokitt
"Six foot, seven foot, eight foot LART" ....thought I was going to say something other that LART didnt cha? -burrkiss
Burrkiss - that depends. Does your LART leave a mushroom print when it smacks someone in the face? -redevil34
Mushroom, mushroom, mushroom, mushroom, Banana, Banana! -TieDyedDinosaur
"{sings}six-foot, seven-foot, eight-foot bunch! Daylight come and me wanna go home!{/sings}"
bwahahahah that had me cracking up.
I can relate to that, though it's usually phone calls...sometimes i get a call from some people, and I simply cannot understand a single word they're saying. It's like talking to the Waterboy's coach. -nothernic |
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1334.
Subject: Word/Excell...?
Last night I applied for a job, on-line, and it asks that one be
familiar with Word and Excel! Now, my computer has Microsoft ME
[Millenium Ed.], and I'm obviously (as a writer) familiar with Word.
However, what's "Excel" and how to I find out if my system even has it,
so that I can make myself familiar with it??? That's my only worry.
[By : concept14 / 2005-04-19] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
If you have to ask... -Evilturnip
This is when you offer to set up Excel on the computer. Create a link to IE, change IE's titlebar in the registry to "Microsoft Excel". At some point in here, 'Step 3: Profit! (or at least amusement)' should be appropriate. -teivrann
Oh, you guys are cruel. Good ;) Either way... It's a spreadsheet program that's part of MS office. -Galandar
You know what... just ignore the second part of what I said. You know, maybe it's true what they say... I've had too many SF moments since I took a job doing installs. (mostly a programming job) -Galandar
Shit - is it? That's where I've been going wrong all these years. I thought it was a tool for making holiday charts.... -Gromit
Hmm, I think Gromit is right. I haven't seen anyone use it but to make up work/holiday schedules. -ProfessorFrink
This was from an email pen pal of mine, not a coworker or customer, so I only have to help as much as I want to. (1) I bet he doesn't have Word either; he's probably really using Microsoft Works. (2) He's probably never noticed the title bar. (3) At the job he wants to apply for, they probably don't use Excel for more than laying out schedules. -concept14
i hope they dont get the job. btw why did they email a isp? -SGTARKyTEK
I got a "spreadsheet" in excell from a client last week. Everything looked good, but there were no formulas - she had *ADDED UP THE COLUMNS* manually! -Divinar
It's that use as an improvised Print Shop for making charts that causes them to think you're a tech genius when you build new time sheets with formulas, drop down boxes, etc. -suitepotato
The thing is, Concept, that Works Suite has come with Word in the past. So they might really have been using word. Maybe. -PaseoGuy |
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1333.
Subject: I've_got your EMail on my_account!
Hello,
First, Very Sorry for my bad English.
Someone is sending your private e-mails on my address.
It's probably an e-mail provider error!
At time, I've got over 10 mails on my account, but the recipient are you.
I have copied all the mail text in the windows text-editor for you & zipped then.
Make sure, that this mails don't come in my mail-box again.
bye
Would you open the zipped attachment that came with this email? - Okay, so I did. I extracted the enclosed executable, called 'mail.document.Datex-packed.exe' (complete with the same icon as the default Notepad icon, no less) to my desktop. AVG didn't even flinch. Housecall told me my system was clean. Well, that solves that, right?
Suuuuuuuure. Manually updated AVG and re-scanned it, and it flags it as the Sober.O variant. I'm dreading the deluge of calls over the next while claiming we've been misdirecting their email and attaching viruses in return.
[By : teivrann / 2005-04-19] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
oh dear god the horror. i would thank a diety for saving me from supporting this but since i have my blaster worm merit badge... -rhiannon
Oh fark! This is first virus mail I've seen which really looks legit (at least, to a Starfish). This one will give troubles. Warned my co-workers working in Home PC support; they started to plan to take immediate sick leave... -NordicPT
Thanks for the warning, copy pasted and e-mailed to all known starfish in my family, with a promise to kill them if they get this. -halfstarfish
Where all doomed! <switches off mobile, disconnects landline, kills router and exits for deep-level nuclear bunker> -Gromit
Wow, what fine timing. I've just had one of these forwarded on by a user who was clever enough not to have opened it. Now to find out if Mcafee picks it up... -Westgate
I'm the email admin where I work & I got 10 in a row this morning. And that's just the misaddressed mail; I can't imagine how many actually hit valid mailboxes. -Tekkie
Update: Its only picked up by Mcafee's beta dat files which you have to download manually. So none of our machines are covered at the moment..... -Westgate
F-Secure is up-to-date (http://www.f-secure.com/v-descs/sober_n.shtml). -NordicPT
Remove the dot at the end of the link. Sorry about that! -NordicPT
That is really clever. I wasn't sure (until reading others' comments) that it WASN'T actually a person who thought he was getting your emails, and thought he was doing you a favor. It does make a lot of sense, if you don't know how spam works. -QuinTech
My wife just called me saying she got a suspicious e-mail and was going to wait until I got home to look at it. I remoted in, saved it to the desktop, updated SAV and Presto! w32.sobig.n. It's times like today that makes me realize that she isn't always a starfish. -Wolph |
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1332.
Subject: internet sucks
i think the internet here is a fucking piece of shit. i hate this internet and i hate this school. i cant fucking stand this shit.
seriously, i cant even get on to fucking websites half the time. fix your fucking internet connection, this is more worse than a fucking 1 kb/s modem. i can't take it an i am transferring and u should fix ur connection so people can actually fucking do shit. can't take it, -Starfish
Notice the lack of capitalization, the Internet slang, the resort to foul language to articulate his point? This was written by a college student.
[By :boxcar / 2005-04-18] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
I dunno, this could be a SF masquerading as a college stud... oh wait, that's kind of redundant, isn't it. -ecoli
"Dear Erudite Customer, please visit www.scatporn.com. Here you will find many pictures of people fucking shit. Hopefully this will satisfy your hunger for feces until we fix ur connection or u transfer. Thank u." -QuinTech
Nothin' some good ol' fashion binge drinkin' can't resolve... ;-) -Landshark
Dear student, thanks for the cash hope your credits transfer. </BOFH> -seventh
Tha's actually quite mild compared to how pissy some of the pampered lil' darlin's get. Errrrrr? Lemmie guess. No P2P lockdown right?. Sparky and 5000 of his other chums are suckin down copies of Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory & Cammed rips of Constantine, all on the same pipe and he wants to know why he's only getting 1k/sec -Digital Dogcow
"Suck it up, Magoo! Think slow internet connectivity is bad, wait until you're in the real world and discover you can't surf for pr0n/warez all day! And by the way, buy a frelling DICTIONARY, you illiterate, l33t-speaking, no punctuation-using oxygen thief! I can only wish that your 'threat' to transfer was real, but since clown college is full at the moment..." -PTSTech
Had a Teacher on the phone that could not follow instructions... and you wonder about todays youths... -Z0nker
Let's find him, torture him, and kill him. Who's with me? -murdermachine
By the way, ROFL @ PTSTech. My favorite line of that one was "Suck it up, Magoo!" -murdermachine
Your internet connection may be shit, but mine's just fine! *says CD downloading huge swathes of crap off the internet* -CommanderData
Behold Ladies &Gentlemen, I give you...the manager of tomorrow! -lineswine
murdermachine, he even sent it from his school e-mail address, I can provide his location. -boxcar
And I'm ready to bet he was a English student... or in Engineering. -NordicPT
The last time I was at TAFE, they had 1 single channel ISDN connection (64kbps) to server the main lab (100+ terminals). Even at night it was frustrating. The tutors would get angry at the students for slacking off. Students would then counter with <multiple expletive deleted> comments about the connection we were trying to use for research. -Wraith556
Sounds to me like he hasn't had a good f*ckin in awhile. Otherwise, he wouldn't be so tense. -willow |
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1331.
Subject: Ummmmm.... Burrkiss?????
The content of the e-mail I received from this customer is not important. His email address is well worth posting, however.
gerbillover@isp.net
I only have one thing to say:
ARMAGEDDON!
[By : RiffRaff / 2005-04-17] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
I'm with you Riff - ARMAGEDDON OUTTA HERE! -Gromit
Thank you, Riff, there is now diet cola all over my screen. -halfstarfish
well at least we all know Richard Gere's email address now. -Digital Dogcow
NO richard gere's email addy is gerbilentry@isp.com
-SGTARKyTEK
Riff, you PROMISED you wouldnt tell TSC about my email. -burrkiss
i must be going mad..i read that as GER-billover. gues my minds not that far in the gutter yet -neuman1812
Hey...where's Fluffy?..and what's that smell? -persephone
Brain Bleach, or a shotgun for my head, please!! -Psudo
...and who stole all the duct tape??? -missourimule
"hmm..Mr Whiskers didnt used to have that brown stripe...." -GefahrMaus
Lemmiwinks, you must find your way out of this place, or you will surely die. This way has been closed off by the great sphinctor. To escape, you must journey up to the dark riches of the intestine and pass the stomach! Who am I? Just a friend. Heed my words, Lemmiwinks. Your time is running out. Make for the large intestine. Start straight ahead.</Frog King>
-SalParadise
Huh ? Richard Gere using that ISP ? -Necros
Oddly enough, the first time I heard the Richard Gere story, I heard it as he didn't do that to himself, he did it to Debra Winger... <HEK9G!!> -MadJack |
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1330.
Subject: Cry Me A River
already problems getting e-mail to work,so discontinue service,no longer want {ISP}. thank you sign {jackass customer}
Gee, guess what, sparky? If you cancel your account without giving us a chance to TS the problem, no refund for you!
/ISP Nazi
[By : RiffRaff / 2005-04-17] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
To the sf: Cry me a river, then build a bridge and get over it!
-halfstarfish
MAN, do I *SO* want to institute that rule at my work (ISP) -ShujinTribble
.5* - Hope you don't mind my stealing that comment for a tagline. -ShujinTribble
No problem, except I stole it from someone...I'm not sure who right now...sorry. -halfstarfish
S'ok.. I collect Taglines the same way Uncle Miltie collected jokes. (Weelll... More like "Creatively Aquired") -ShujinTribble
"To the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee." – Moby Dick -Psudo
Yeah, I love the ones who expect us to waive their break fee because "my phone hasn't worked for the last six months!!" Really? I guess that *would* explain why you've averaged *only* 6000 minutes of use a month for the past *12* months. Hmmm... -missourimule
Thanks, Psudo, I was wondering where Riff got his tagline. Been a long time since I read about the large pale whale. -halfstarfish
Large pale ale??? where? -GefahrMaus |
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1329.
Subject: Starfish moment (daughter's email)
This is after spending ages on the phone trying to troubleshoot a sound card problem, then advising her to get a new sound card, since it seemed that no matter what, there was no sound. Oh, and ignore the first line, our e911 address changed two years after she moved away. Mama, What's our home address?? I can never remember...
Oh, and I figured out what was wrong with my computer....................
*DRUMROLL*
..........................my speakers were unplugged. I'm adopted, aren't I?
[By :MamaTech / 2005-04-15] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
Could be. It also could be a generational thing. My mother has a degree in computer science, and spent 20 years of her life grinding out code. She calls me over to troubleshoot her computer sometimes. -illiterate
illiterate - Coders are not always the best techs. One of my buddies is a coldfusion dev & refuses to even open his (home, non-work) PC's case b/c he is honestly afraid of screwing it up. -objekt404
A lot of the coders I used to work with (former applications-coder here) were absolutely clueless about computer hardware. It just wasn't considered necessary for them to know it.. -CommanderData
I am quite clueless to computer h/w, but I know my way to manuals (and even those coming with thingys), so when I recently had to swap hard discs between to computers, I read very carefully the installation manuals as well as made notes during disassembly. -NordicPT
I'm the one *blushing* here - never once in the course of our troubleshooting did I ask her "Do the speakers have power?" although I did ask her were they turned on. -MamaTech
I've been doing a little bit of everything for a long time and it seems the coders of *today* are the otherwise starfishy people. In the old days, you actually had to install a Z80 card all by yourself to run CP/M. I even vaguely recall a project to build a sort of drone single-board 6502 computer for the //e to do multiprocessing. -suitepotato |
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1328.
Subject: In reference to earlier call
I spoke to someone there this AM about a Trojan Horse virus that has infected our computer. He reccomended Spybot spyware. I ran the program, reset my homepage, deleted the files and cookies, and on the re-start, all the same things happened.
This all started when a very hormonal teenage boy downloaded a site called "7 days of Free Porn". Any suggestions, aside from sending my son to a monastery?
[By :speedybu / 2005-04-15] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
Fdisk, format, re-install, do-dah, do-dah..... -virtualchoirboy
he's got 7 days enjoy the porn, the trial will go away. ... lol , where can i get program... :) -SaintTigurius
Chastity belt for the kid? -teivrann
Castration comes to mind...BURRKISS, you're being paged! -halfstarfish
Send her K1W1's Burkiss wackoff treatment. A whole gallon, in a container Marked "Jergen's Extra moisturizing" -Jeckler
You guys HAVE been reading the story, right? -Jeckler
"Any suggestions, aside from sending my son to a monastery?" Well, I wouldn't recommend the monastery unless you actually want your kid to have his salad tossed by other wrinkly, old monks. I'd suggest letting the kid satisfy his curiosities so he doesn't grow up to be yet another repressed psychopath. But that's just me. -viennasausage
Let the kid watch porn and then the computer would be safe to use... -Z0nker
Send him to a convent instead? *BFEG* -halfstarfish
LMAO @ halfstarfish. PERFECT! -Bobsentme
*wispers* You have 7 days... -geektech
Teach him how to use a computer with spybot/norton/firefox. Then you have..........ME!!! -burrkiss
What you do to the kid is your own business. However, as to the computer...Spybot doesn't really do much for Trojans or viruses. You will need to run an anti-virus. I like Trend-Micro's online Housecall, but that is up to you. But do run an a-v scan, as well as spybot/adaware/hijackthis, etc. -Captain Trips |
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1326.
Subject: All is known
An address at the bottom of a customer e-mail.
fishponds road
wokingham
[By :Armakuni / 2005-04-15] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
Is their name 'Chip'? -TieDyedDinosaur
How do you get a pig to type? Answer: Tell him to put down the donught and finish his paperwork. -scooby111
So that's where he went. -ProfessorFrink
i think that was the subject of gromits email to some stupid starfish all he put in it was ALL IS KNOWN , guy never showed up for work again -SGTARKyTEK
That's who said it, i wanted to acknowledge it but couldn't remember who said it. -Armakuni
If they're the only house on the road, they may think going without the number is fine. Until someone like Alex de Large shows up one rainy night, sent by the overworked and disgruntled techs... -suitepotato |
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1325.
Subject: How to find part no
"I'm trying to download a new firmware, because my [model] stops functioning after 5 minutes. But to download a firmware, I need a part number. This part number is printed on the bottom of my router. How do I find out which part number is the right one for my router?"
[By : NordicPT / 2005-04-14] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
1) Stand on your head. 2) Pick up the router. 5) Slam it into your genitals until you can no longer breed. -VIPERsssss
Rub a poor-quality marker on your finger, press against bottom of router, then press against your skin. Repeat until equipment number is visible. -TieDyedDinosaur
Well the correct part numbers are always printed on fire resisitant material, You will need to hold it over a flame for 60 seconds </BOfH> -Armakuni
Let's see if I understand the question: the starfish is saying "I have the part number, but where do I find the part number?" -Captain Trips
I understood it as 'I know where the part number is, but I am too lazy to a) find the router, b) lift the other three things from on top and c) write down the number when I finally look at it. Sort of like, I know I have that address written down, but can't you just tell me again? -TieDyedDinosaur
'Tis a secret that only fire can tell. Burn down your house. -WinterWolf
Fire-resistant, Hmmm. OK, new plan, use a lighter to lightly toast the bottom of the router, then press your 'member' against the number. It should then be VERY visible in bright red numbers. And you'll keep it with you in case you forget where you wrote it down! -TieDyedDinosaur
its one of those new routers if you turn it upside down all the ips fall out. -SGTARKyTEK |
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1322.
Subject: Access denied on Lotus notes and ABC
To: Cleveland Help Desk
Yesterday, I recieved a temp sign on password and today I can't sign on Lotus Notes or ABC
sent from his Lotus Notes email account
[By :BunnieTechBabe / 2005-04-12] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
Reply, "Sorry, we didn't receive this - please send again". See how many tries it takes. -teivrann
"What part of temp[orary] don't you understand!?" -geektech
PS. In teivrann's reply, don't forget to include the original message. :) -geektech
Oh dear, i'm very sorry, you must have been re-assigned as a temp, and if you password no longer works then i am afraid you have been fired, but IT erased your account before the Huggy-Feely brigade, sorry HR, could tell you. Have a nice life :) -Armakuni |
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1321.
Subject: Net plate was installed ethernet
A co-worker received the following email today. I'm guessing the customer tried to use Babelfish...
I especially like the greeting.
Expensive Kevin,
In the same moment that was made these alterations, also a net plate was installed ethernet. In the friday was isolated the micron of the net
ethernet and it paraou to give the errors and to stop scripts, has something to have with the problem? Also it was noticed by the technician, who with
the plate of net in time functioning in when it it stopped needing to give boot in the PC. This error is giving in such a way in the PC that will count version 2.6 how much in version 3.0. This travamento of ethernet only was detected in the PC that will count version 3.0. It follows script in
VB, the screen in 2.6 version and the given error.
[By :jbug / 2005-04-12] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
I didn't know Yoda even HAD a computer. -murdermachine
What worries me is that I can make sense of the email... Does the SF have Spanish as native language? -NordicPT
Reply: "Is this one of those virus emails? The kind that moms in offshore casinos send you?" </Strong Bad> -teivrann
BWAHAHAHAHAH!!!! -murdermachine
BOOM!!!! Ow! My brain.... -Bynar
For some reason they've got version 2.6 instead of 3.0 showing up, I guess? And it's giving them an error. -snowcrash
I ran this one past my Babelfish who, under close interrogation, admitted that one of his cousins was once caught fucking a starfish and he suspects that the resultant issue is responsible for this outrage. I promised him I wouldn't reveal his identity and he went back to sleep muttering 'Oh, the shame of it..' -Gromit
That sounds like a spam email with a bunch of random words to bypass the spam filters, it hurt trying to read that -jwinc7
From the "paraou" left in the text, I'm guessing Portuguese as the original language. A "net plate" obviously is a NIC, and I think a "travamento of ethernet" is a networking fault. Scary that I can sort of understand it... -chazz
OK, this is officially scary. I can make some sense of it too! I agree with the Portuguese source assumption - my question is: what software did he upgrade from 2.6 to 3.0 that suddenly stopped working with his NIC? -Grue
Thank you so much, that's the third Babelfish the damn sf's have killed this week. -halfstarfish
Ohyes, Portuguese... showed this to my co-worker who knows some Portuguese and he confirmed the translations: after upgrading some application from 2.6 to 3.0 the NIC doesn't work. -NordicPT
Nordic - your co-worker can translate gibberish to english? I want one :( -Inphinity
This looks like it was written by the guy who writes all the OGame stuff! -Shaede |
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1319.
Subject: No I dont!
Hi ,
All day today I have been getting a pop-up in at random saying "Abort operation?" and giving me options of Yes, No, or Cancel. It has never done this before.
so far, fairly normal eh?
The main reason I am worried is that we have been on the waiting list for nearly 4 months and I think I accidentally clicked "Yes" one of the times when it popped up. I phoned our dactor and he had no idea what I was talking about - please don't tell me it means I will need to go back on the waiting list! No, I don't want to abort!
Regards,
Uh-huh. turns out the customer had been waiting for a medical operation for 4 months or so and had finally been scheduled to have it next week, and believed that the accounting application was asking if she wanted to cancel the appointment. *boggle*?
[By :Inphinity / 2005-04-11] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
oops... errr... </i>? :) -Inphinity
Yeah, my toaster makes this kind of *pop* sound and then these brown flat things come out of it. My problem is, I THINK I ATE ONE OF THE BROWN THINGS! I've been waiting for a phone call and I really need this job interview, so I hope that I didn't stop them from calling me! -Evilturnip
Didja hear about the Amnityville toaster? < www.illwillpress.com > -Psudo
*blink* *blink* SLAP! -BunnieTechBabe
I've had that. Not quite to that degree, but your post didn't surprise me. I did get a laugh though :-) -Mango |
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1318.
Subject: Customer Issue
Sub called yesterday to cxl rr, clld today to cmpln about still having service. acct is bal and the 99 was rpld with 98. Everything on acct looks okay. Not being charged, very upset about still having service.
[By :Oblivious / 2005-04-11] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
kll th bstrds! </spelling and shorthand nazi> -ecoli
How do they know they still have service unless they're using it? Since they're not paying for it, you should bill them. -gotpasswords
OK so they still have their broadband connection, and are pissed cause its free? umm. kay. < ohh nelly, i can feel the heat off the crack pipe from here!> -Harm
They're no doubt worried about being charged with stealing it later. Some cable companies will royally fark up disco requests and when the people make the mistake of taking advantage of it, get hit with a massive bill and disco'd for piracy. ATTBI for instance before Comcast used two separate systems for billing and CMTS management. When they put it under one, they found thousands were getting free high speed data because discos only went through on the billing side, not the CMTS side. Modems still worked anywhere in town that they were plugged in. -suitepotato |
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1316.
Subject: SPAM Subject Line:
"Be a savvy investor with solid facts" Sender's name? Jesus. And here I always thought that "Jesus saves, but Moses invests."
[By :QuinTech / 2005-04-11] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
Jesus saves, & Moses invests, yeah, but only Lord Buddha pays dividends! -Digital Dogcow
Nope,it's "Jesus saves! Gretzke gets the rebound, he shoots, he scores!!!"...lol -missourimule
Jesus saves; everyone else takes full damage! -docbrown01
Jesus saves, Satan formats, data lost. -IcePanther
"Jesus saves. The rest of you take dammage." -ThreeBucks
"Jesus saves? Not on my salary." -Armakuni
"In God we Trust, all others pay cash." -halfstarfish
Jesus saves, but Cthulhu thinks you'd make a nice sandwich... -CommanderData
CD: Cthullu wants to EAT me? Is he cute? *runs for the LART shelter* -halfstarfish
Jesus saves..and so should you! Come on down to TSC Computer warehouse and get the best deals around! -RA
Jesus saves, and Noah floated his stock when the whole world was in liquidation. -Veinor
Jesus saves, Moses takes half damage and Buddha is in the bar getting wasted. "Does anyone want a Montain Dew?" -Harm
THERE'S a flashback, Harm! (note: I've never even PLAYED the game, and I've seen that!) -LoTech
Jesus died for my sins, I'm just getting my moneys worth. -burrkiss
Jesus saves, Moses takes half damage, Buddha is in the bar getting wasted, Mohammed is moving mountains, and Zarquon is having lunch at Millibanks. :) -halfstarfish
They left me in charge of the Dial_a_Prayer switchboard, can I take a message? [BFEG] -halfstarfish
Half-Starfish -- isn't that Milliway's? The Restaurant at the End of the Universe? -chazz
I think so, Chazz, it's been a while since I read the books. -halfstarfish
Jesus wants me for a Sunbeam (investor). -lineswine
Jesus built my car, it's a love affair, mainly jesus and my hotrod </Ministry> -Armakuni
Jesus saves lives, and redeems them for valuable prizes. -K1W1 |
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1315.
Subject: I was handed this to decipher...
HELLO LARRY IT IS HARD TO REACH NICE MAN HAHA SO DALE WANTED TO TALK WITH YOU ABOUT HIS COMPUTER AND HE DONT KNOW IF HE IS THE SAME HIS E-MAIL ADDRESS OR DIFFERENT SO HE WANT YOU TO CALL HIM. HE DID LEAVE HIS NOTE TO LEAVE IT TO YOU BUT NEVER HEARD FROM YOU. HE GAVE IT TO YOU HIS NOTE SO PLEASE FIND IT THEN MAIL TO HIM SO HE NEED TO KNOW ABOUT HIS E-MAIL ADDRESS AND HIS PASSWORD. HE NEED IT ALL LEAVE HIS NOTE TO SENT HIM BACK THANK YOU AND HAVE A NICE WEEKEND BYE ELAINE
[By : Spyder19 / 2005-04-11] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
Yea we'll get right on that. -Servo
Errr... -missourimule
Hmmm, poor english, check. All caps, Check. Inadequate punctuation, check. But where the hell's the promise of a 20% share in cash to be smuggled out of Nigeria?. Now I'm confused. -Digital Dogcow
"Dale doesn't know if his e-mail address has changed, so he left you a note. He asked me to mention it to you, since you haven't mailed the address and password back to him as he asked in his note. Could you please take care of it so he stops bugging me? Thanks, Elaine." -Grue
Ok, so I'm going to finish what DD started (and where I was 90% sure he was going)...this came from an AOLein didn't it. -redevil34
also keep in mind that, unless they want it SNAILMAILED, how do we email him the info if he doesn't know his log/pass to rcv it ??? -Spyder19
Where's this place called elaine? it says "have a nice weekend bye elaine." <gets out map> -Armakuni
Whoever wrote that e-mail owes me a new Babelfish. -halfstarfish
Thanks for the headache! I already have an inbox full of that kind of garbage. -garwain
After AOLer translation it comes out: H3LO LARY IT IS HARD 2 REACH NIEC MAN HAHA SO DAEL WANTAD 2 TOK WIT U ABOUT HIS COMPUT3R AND HE DONT KNOW IF HA IS TEH SME HIS E-MALE ADRAS OR DIFERENT SO H3 WANT U 2 CAL HIM!1!1!! OMG LOL HA DID L3AEV HIS NOTA 2 LEAEV IT 2 U BUT NEVER HAARD FROM U1!!!!1 OMG HE GAEV IT 2 U HIS NOTA SO PLZ FIND IT THEN MALE 2 HIM SO HA NED 2 KNOW ABOUT HIS E-MALE ADRAS AND HIS PASWORD!1!1 WTF LOL H3 NED IT AL LEAEV HIS NOTA 2 SANT HIM BAK THANK U AND HAEV A NIEC WEKEND BY3 ALANEA -Digitalutah
Damnit, DigitalLutah, that's the second Babelfish in four hours! -halfstarfish
However did the fuckwit who wrote this crap ever get hired in the first place?
If my 9 yr. old son ever composed anything this poorly written, I'd be ashamed of him ( & I'm a proud father, just ask any of the TSCers who've met him or myself). -lineswine
I'm thinkin' ... government agency..... -Spyder19 |
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1314.
Subject: Actually, spam...
what are spammers taking these days? christ...
Subject: eavesdrop begetting stain
The product is HairMagic™and it grows hair. No, it really grows hair. How important is that?
An estimated 60 million American men and women (yes, women too) are losing - or have already lost - their hair. Most of them would give anything to have it back. People do ridiculous things to look like they have hair when they really don’t. Funny? Sure, if you have a full head of hair. If you don’t, you would probably pay any amount for something that could actually grow hair on your head.
That’s what the experts call a “market!”
Now, you’ve seen all the ads. They are full of hair-growing promises, plus warnings that their product doesn’t work for everybody, and beware of the side effects. Two week's ago I turned 18 and my parents bought me a web cam for my birthday. I started playing with it, now me and my friends are addicted to showing off our young bodys to everyone that wants to see us! We love this thing! I signed up with a program that is absolutely free of charge, and hosts my web cam 24 hours a day, 7 days a week!!
Now, finally, there’s a hair-growing product that actually grows hair, and HairMagic™ guarantees to start doing so in 4 weeks or less, or give you a 100% refund. And, incredibly, HairMagic™sells for less than $2 a day.
uh-huh. wtf.
[By :Inphinity / 2005-04-10] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
hmmm same product that has a rather large ad in the weekly world news tabloid. right... spam and disreputable papers. -Harm
Kill them all. Spammers must die. -Gerund
I must be alone in not regretting my lack of hair. Hm. Gotten some like this lately - have to update the filters. -namor
So, this young chick is going to show off her hairy body? Pass. -burrkiss
But Burkiss, it gives you somthing to grab on to for the ride! (Pass the bleach, quick!) -Psudo
Thanks for that image, Psudo, I think I'm going to DRINK the brain bleach after that. -Disallowed
But what a better billboard for the product! Suggested tagline: 'This'll put hair on your chest! Show everyone you've come a *long* way, baby!' Free backhair braids with every order. Mention TSC and, for a limited time only, get a free quart of brain bleach! Call 1-800-hirsute NOW! -missourimule
that spam is too funny, it starts off talking about hair growth and moves onto webcam whores and back to hair growth. -drachen
Well you know what they say, hair today gone tomorrow :) -Armakuni
http://bash.org/?426917 -sadako |
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1313.
Subject: Phishing for idiots
More of a phishing scam, but you have to wonder at the mentallity of "anyone" who fall for this:
From: "Yahoo!"
Subject: Barclays Eiaml Veifircation
To:
Dera Baalcrys Mrebme,
Tihs eliam was stne by the Barclays seevrr to virefy yoru eiaml adsserd. You msut cmoplete tsih prsecos by clnikcig
on the lkni bewol and eniretng in the smlla windwo yuor Blcraays Membeihsrp nuebmr, pascsode and melbarome wrod.
Tsih is deno for yoru pritcetoon - besuace semo of our mebmers no loegnr hvae accses to tehir eliam aderdsses and
we mtsu vfirey it. To veryfi yruo eliam aderdss and acssec yuor bkna acctnuo , clikc on the lkni bwole
[By :ecoli / 2005-04-08] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
Who's dumber, the person who sent this, or the fishies who fall for it? And you know there are ones who will. -halfstarfish
Who applies for a credit card that sends spam email that's spelled wrong? Who puts chemicals in their body bought by someone that can't even spell viagra? Who appiles for a home loan from someone who feels the need to avertise with flashing gifs and hides their real name? The answer to all the riddles is one word: Starfish. (Somebody buys them or they wouldn't be profitable.) -scooby111
HSF - I must disagree with you. Thet can't even read regular english, how could they do with that crap ? Or maybe this is fishy encoded ? -IcePanther
I get those all the time. I find them to be very funny. All the msipslelde words. -UnderLord
Plsu yuro emial is bokern adn yuo msut byu a wrod-rerraagner frmo us. -QuinTech
Probably right on that, Ice Panther...anyone know what to do for a vomiting Babelfish? -halfstarfish
Vomiting Babelfish? Towels. Lots of them. -purplelinguist
i got 3 emails from barclay's today and I don't even know who barclays is. THey were all mispelled. I was more disappointed that yahoo's decent spam blocker missed them. Plus i've been getting a number of RE: [8] emails that everyone knows is spam -areatech
Why is it sort of backwards in the source code? -Veinor
Wow, Scoob's doing the tech song version of "Candyman". OK, maybe it doesn't _exactly_ parse.... -VIPERsssss
<sings> Who falls for a phishing scam, is dumb as a tree? Stupid starfish!</sings> (Apologies to any Spongebob fans.) -lineswine |
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1312.
Subject: Worried about Email
Ahhh, the corporate lemming mentality. Gotta love it.
It started simply enough. A mass email to inform the corporate peons of a new workshops.:
[insert corporate jargon, workshop info, etc] Please RSVP to "Big Secretary" by this specific date.
Simple, right? Oh, soooo wrong. Someone replied. To the whole list.
B.S. Please register me for the workshop. Thanks. Ima Nidiot.
Great. You all KNOW where this is going, don't you.
Me too. Jane Pain.
Please register me. Idjit Too.
First, please note that this is an academic setting. Several hundred people in secretarial/office-admin positions. Three emails. It took three emails to provoke the following response:
Could people please stop using a general email address for their personal business? Jack Toff
Of course, it can't and won't stop there. He just opened the floodgates.
I don't know why I'm getting all these emails that are supposed to go to you. I have 4 so far. Please advise. Iddy Ott.
It would be because people are using the 'REPLY ALL" in stead of just "REPLY". Noh Itall.
Because the actual email address that people are supposed to reply to is at the bottom of this email. Everybody is resplyng to the general mailing list, thus, our mail boxes are filling up fairly quickly. Please don't hit "reply all", but click the hyperlinked replyto: address, for whomever may be reading this and wish to enrol. Many thanks.. No Name.
Resplying, eh? Sounds like fun. How can I "Resply"?? Anyway, the fun continued from there, and it seems that (though I didn't join the fray) I was the only one to notice "resply"
Could you please stop sending emails that don't pertain to me.
Seems she was a bit behind on the conversation. ;) My favorite came next, though:
I've gotten quite a few emails as well regarding the Subcode Workshop (Which I can't attend). I am disappointed nobody sends out "personal" emails so we can read all the gossip...that would make the overwhelming batch of Oracle
Email worthwhile. Smar Tass
Someone didn't quite get the joke.
I keep getting these as well. Sure would be nice if someone could fix this. Dum Bell
Now, not only did she send that in a reply to the Smart ass reply, she sent ANOTHER message, in reply to the original complaint. STOP PLEASE!!!!!! They are filling up my in-box. Dum Bell
It's still going as of this moment. I'm actually enjoying the "fight". Anyone wanna take a bet on how long it will take for the list administrator to step in and tell everyone to shut up and get the heck back to work? Furthermore, considering the hundreds of people ON this list, I'm amazed there have only been so few replies.
[By :mousie / 2005-04-08] [Top]
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Comments
Oh the humanity. These people should be shot. I think it will take about 40 minutes and 198 reply-all emails. Then revoking everyone's email access :) -modeski
My thought is that the List Admin screwed it up and entered the list address as the "Reply-To", thereby ensuring this kind of chaos in the first place! -Grue
Yes!! We have the same thing over here, and people seem to *love* the "reply all" option. I don''t get it either. Maybe it's a fad. :P -ShiftedBeef
New company policy. All company/institution-wide emails will be sent with the the recipients placed ONLY in the BCC field. All mass-mailings to company/institution employees or affliates will have the from field hidden. Anyone not adhering to these new rules will be flogged by every single person who has an email address. -scooby111
^^ All emails sent from this office will be run thru a spell-checker before sending. ^^ -scooby111
I think it's because the 'reply to all' button is bigger than the 'reply to' one!! -seventh
Interesting. Remind again me how they passed kindergarten? -snowcrash
Snowcrash: The same way the fishies in my class did..drove the teacher crazy or were related to the senior faculty.(sp?) -halfstarfish
This happened at my college, with thosands of poeople using a single already loaded server.
Took down the mail server and a bcc policy was instituted the next day. -nm
resply, its when you respond and reply at the same time -areatech
You know what's even more demoralising? When the IT department does this...*glares at co-workers* -CommanderData
Do you have any cliffs or similar large drops near you, get them all together at said location, chuck an ipod over the edge and see how many go after it. Probable hit rate: High. That should leave a lasting impression..on the ground he he -Armakuni
We have that problem here too. A while back, management gave everyone fleese jackets for Christmas. They sent out an email to the mailing list address asking for sizes. Seceral techs hit reply-all and sent their size request to everybody and some of them hit reply-all on the reply and sent the previous tech's size request in addition to their size request to everybody. -geektech
GeekTech: Was it at least amusing to read? -halfstarfish
Not so much, no. -geektech
On all the machines in my office, I preconfigured the Outlook's toolbar to not have "reply to all" and forced "always check spelling before sending" to on. I only wish I could get rid of HTML mail, but I _was_ able to remove the outlook rich text... -Divinar |
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1311.
Subject: DSL Connection
This is the second request I have tried to make, the first was unsuccessful due to the problem I have been having.
Greetings,
Last week I was having problems logging on through DSL. The young lady at the help desk was unable to correct the problem so walked me through a complete re-programming of my internet connection setup and had me delete certain files (generally they had to do with the "PPPoE Client" program). She also advised that I go to the "ISP" website and upgrade my DSL modem program and download the new DSL check up program. While I generally do not like to put programs into my computer, I wanted to be sure that I maintained connection integrity and did as she suggested. Now I am away from home and find that I can no longer dependably access the internet through my wireless program. It appears that all of my internet access is now predicated on "ISP" DSL which is unacceptable.
As I travel extensively, this has put me in a bind. I can sometimes access the internet through my wireless connection if I play with the settings each time (and they are always different but pertain to Auto Detection by Windows, Dialing a connection, etc.). What do I do to get my wireless abilities back?
Thank you,
Mr Starfish
[By :wenwilli / 2005-04-07] [Top]
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Comments
Don't ever leave the front yard! -geektech
Wireless abilities? This guy is clearly some kind of Super Hero. Maybe 'Tin Foil Man' - Champion of stupidity!! -QBC
/linsli tech .. yes sir we now offer 600,000 Ghz wireless connection .. access your DSL from anywhere in the world ... thats right for the low low price 6 billion dollars we can launch a satilite just for you .. will that be cash or check? /linski tech -TechBuckett |
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1310.
Subject: dumb question, dumb answer
This is an email exchange we've been having with a user.
User: "Under Control Pannel - Network and internet settings - Local Area Connection - Activity, It says number of packets sent and recieved. What is this reffering too? and why is my computer sending out one packet roughly every second? Please reply soon, thanks for your time."
Us: (in reply) "Here is a nice webpage explaining the use of packets over the internet.
http://computer.howstuffworks.com/question525.htm --helpdesk"
User: "So why is my computer sending out packets every second? Thanks for the link though, now at least i know what they are."
Us: (we have nothing better to do, the phones are silent) "If you are running any kind of application that accesses the web (AIM, IE, Mozilla, Outlook) it is going to send and receive packets. There are also services that run on windows machines that send and receive packets constantly (to see what services are running on your computer- go to the run command and type services.msc) If you would like to stop ALL traffic you will need to download a third party firewall (zone alarm is very popular). This program will help you control what is coming in and going out of your computer. Or you can unplug your network cable or disable your network interface.
Of course if you unplug your network cable or disable the NIC then your internet is not going to work."
--we are waiting to hear back from him and wow, this looks like crap without formatting, maybe its time to get a star.
[By :boxcar / 2005-04-06] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
Don't expect an answer anytime soon. He's probably unplugged his network cable and can't figure out why he can't respond to you. That's just cruel. I like it. -scooby111
kudos on the cool efficiancy of the LART -Bynar
He is going to call now and ask why he can't send email. LOL -unrunt
And then lie about the unplugged cable. "Yeah, I checked it." And it was still there, unplugged, right? Or he'll say that you told him to. - I agree with scoob; it's cruel. And it's funny, too. -teivrann
He will call back, asking why windows is screwing up cause he disabled all of his serves.. -SaintTigurius
<sf>how come every time I stop these services my programs turn off and windows shuts down? </sf> -jwinc7
6:00 and no reply, maybe he zapped himself crying on the computer. Guess time to get out my luser stencil and add another victim to the wall of shame. -boxcar |
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1307.
Subject: POP3 Error
Customer calls in and says I got a pop3 error I asked him what is the error message customer says it says pop3. I said there has to be some sort of coad there other than pop3 I tryed explaning to him pop3 error could meang any thing I need a coad. he siad I will call back and get some one how knows what they are doing. I thought if your to Supid and blind to see a erroer coad your not my problem. I hung up on him i hope the next teck does not fix you.
[By :pepsiguy / 2005-04-03] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
Holy crap! Someone's been snorting too much Pepsi! -robbor
wow migraine headache. -postal tech
Edited version!
Customer calls in and says, "I got a pop3 error" I asked him for the error message, and the customer says "it says pop3". I explain there should be an error code displayed. He replys, "I will call back and get some one how knows what they are doing". I thought, "If your to stupid and blind to see a error code your not my problem". I hung up on him, and I hope the next tech does not fix the problem either. (I don't think it actually was an email either.) -touchedTech
What in the hell is a "coad"? : ) -JoeLugian
I know, that's a southern coed! -TieDyedDinosaur
The error coad. He was getting a 0x800cc0d -pepsiguy
Choad. -viennasausage
you needed to know what sort of Coin Operated Amusement Device he was using?? -Inphinity
Pepsiguy -- I think you meant "error _code_". We do have a few spelling fanatics on this site... -chazz
"You're", not "your". The edited version didn't fix that one either. -dwalker
And "too", not "to". "if you're too stupid", not "if your to stupid". Yes, there are some spelling fanatics here. If a customer is expected to know the difference between a modem and a tower, then the extremely intelligent techs should know "your" from "you're". -dwalker |
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1305.
Subject: Whiner, High Maintenance Pain in the But
Email I just got from a customer who not only talks like Thurston Howard III, but lives in a mansion by the ocean. Guess because I setup his PC, it stands to reason I must know about phone plans.....
"It seems to me the new Gateway desktop you installed has begun to take too long to get me established on-line in the morning. I wait a (relatively) long time for the initial hourglass beside the cursor to go away. Then I click onto Godzilla, and wait quite a while, again, before I'm appropriately on-line. Seems to me it was faster in the beginning. Do I need to get you over?
I seem to have lost the knack of minimizing the web site I'm on, have it go down to the bottom, and then proceed to the next site that's already in the drop-down index list. Nowadays, I minimize, which goes ok, but then, when I do that, I go back off-line again, and have to start all over with Godzilla. Do I need to get you over?
Finally - new area, utterly.....do you know how to make a phone call to, in this case, London, without having it cost an arm and leg? Last time I did it, I just dialed, using my regular LD carrier, talked for about 25 minutes, and the bill was for $35 bucks - kind of an ugly surprise. It should be about $.15/minute, or something like that. I suppose I could call an operator, but her advice is likely biased towards her employer. Do I need to get you over?"
[By :willow / 2005-03-31] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
So do you need to get over? -Digitalutah
Who is Thurston Howard III? Sounds like a cat's name. -scooby111
Thurston Howard III (character from Gilligan's Island) - very hauty tootie.
I guess I'll have to "come over" to smit "Godzilla." He's complaining because when he shuts down his PC, he then has to click on the websites he visits again.....ah....poor baby. When I tell him that's how it works, he's going to have a tantrum. Now the question is, should I give him Opera and setup his sites for him? Or, enjoy myself by watching him break a blood vessel? -willow
*dials number* dum-de-dum-de-do *one ringy-dingy, two ringy-dingy* <VERY LOUD MONSTER SOUND> "Hey Godzy, how's it goin'? Can you drop by Thurston's place today? <VERY LOUD MONSTER SOUND> Yeah, I know, he a PITA, but he pays well. <VERY LOUD MONSTER SOUND> Well, sorry man, but you got the pager today. Can't you tell Mothra you'll meet her later? <VERY LOUD MONSTER SOUND> 'Zilla, my man, if you can't make this I may have to cut you loose. Rodan's been workin' awful hard lately and it's his day off so I'm not calling him. It's your gig. <VERY LOUD MONSTER SOUND> Okay! I'll give you time-and-a-half. Jeez! You're tough but you're good. Call me when you're done. And no, you can't destroy his compy. Keep the fire breath at a minimum too, huh? -viennasausage
Sorry, but I believe you mean Thurston Howell III played by the late Jim Backus also known as the voice of Mr. Magoo. -Rabbitt
Go to his house, but bring a bunch of young hoodlums (I can send some over, I'm in the correct area of the hood and their in abundance) A'la Napoleon Dynamite. You'll never hear from him again.
-mugglemage
....or just punch him, I mean really that fixes a lot of problems. -mugglemage
You're right, Howell. Oh well. He emailed me again saying he wanted me to install AOL on his new laptop so he'd have the internet. I emailed back that he'd also need to purchase a router and wireless card as his desktop is currently connected to the modem. He emailed me back that I was wrong - AOL is all he needs. Just kill me now. -willow
Let me get this straight... this bloke is a fuckwit, speaks like he has just swallowed a dictionary, thinks AOL is the Internet & then has the fucking temerity to argue with you about technical matters?
Drop the cunt like a hot brick - he's more trouble than he is worth, good payer or not. -lineswine
Oh, I haven't told you the best part! When I first setup his desktop, I configured OE for his Verizon account. He then called Verizon and changed his username but didn't change anything in OE. Then, when it didn't work, he called. I asked him what name he had changed it to and he couldn't remember. So I told him he could schedule an appointment and I'd call Verizon or he could call. He calls Verizon and gets a voicemail that says the average wait time is 15min. At the 17min mark, he hung up and sent me a nasty email saying that "this was unacceptable service from Verizon and he wanted to change." When I told him 15 min is nothing and eithere he had to call or I would. He then sent me an email saying "What a bore. I guess I'll lower my standards and just muddle through as I usually do."
Bore? Jeez. Who says actually uses the word "bore?" And waiting 15 min is unacceptable??? Ha! I should make him call Symantec sometime. -willow |
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1303.
Subject: Error Message
Hi..new member here, wanted to check the pics before I post so I don't duplicate any. However I keep getting an error message when clicking on 'photos'. Any idea whats up?
[And I replied: "Yes, it means an error happened. Sorry I can't be more helpful without knowing what the error message said."]
[By : concept14 / 2005-03-29] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
Nice LART. :) -geektech
a accurate troubleshooting step for their accurate description of the error message. -burrkiss |
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1302.
Subject: How Stupid Can They Get?
This woman sent this as a reply to our automated invoice e-mail. Pay close attention to the bottom. Items that I've had to edit for privacy are italicized.
From: customer@isp.net
Sent: Monday, March 28, 2005 6:01 PM
To: billing@isp.net
Subject: Re: Customer Statement
----- Original Message -----
From:
To:
Sent: Wednesday, March 02, 2005 12:56 AM
Subject: Customer Statement
------------------------------------
CUSTOMER STATEMENT
------------------------------------
ISP Internet Inc.
1234 N. Anywhere Ave.
Indianapolis, IN 46000
VOICE: 317-555-1234 FAX: 317-555-4321
Account Number: 01234
Invoice Number: 01234-33
Statement Generated: 03/02/2005
Jane Starfish
5678 N. Dumbass Question Lane
Podunk, IN 40000
Transaction Detail Covering 02/02/2005 - 03/02/2005
DATE DESCRIPTION CHG TAX TOTAL
==============================
02/02/05 Balance: -20.00
03/01/05 Basic Dial-up: 'customer' 10.00
from 03/12/2005 to 04/11/2005
=========***********************************========
Account Credit: $10.00
No payment is due at this time
do i need to make a payment at this time?
=========***********************************========
Thank You!
[By : RiffRaff / 2005-03-29] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
Yes, that's *exactly* where she placed her question in the reply to us. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried folks. -RiffRaff
Of course not, if you had made it up it would have made SOME sense. -TieDyedDinosaur
is it possible to have an IQ lower than zero?? -jwinc7
"You will be charged a small fee for pool extraction." -vacuumtubes
"Comment on this Customer Email" So does this mean I can comment on the E-Mail? (Yeah, I really can't try to beat that stupidity. Wow!) -ShiftedBeef
the answer to that question is simple. Yes, absolutely you must pay at this time. Send the check c/o Riffraff.... -Bynar
If it didn't say she was in Indiana, I would swear I almost T-boned this lady two days ago (managed to cross 4 lanes of traffic to make a left turn on red in right in front of me) "The light is red, which means stop. Should I stop?" -valkyrja
No. red means everybody else has to stop, including cross-traffic. -geektech |
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1301.
Subject: How to write an effective email (NSFW)
OK, so this one's on the front page of http://www.somethingawful.com today , but this ( http://tinyurl.com/4p9vz ) will likely be the permanent address in the archives for it. (if not, just go into the news archives for 3/29/05).
[By :missourimule / 2005-03-29] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
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1299.
Subject: Email address book
How can I alphatize my address book by last name?
[By :wenwilli / 2005-03-29] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
I work on a DSL Helpdesk. -wenwilli
you must first find the derivative of (beta^2/theta + pi * epsilon * 1.000123) -chefque
i thought you needed to generate 1.2 jiggawatts and get up to 88 MPH -DedSysOp
Answer: Start with 'A', end with 'Z'. Dumbass. -Amiga5000 |
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1297.
Subject: lagged email
This Work Order, #33107, was accepted by another technician at: 12/31/69 6:59pm
[By : Spyder19 / 2005-03-25] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
That sounds much like when I upgraded the CPU in my old PowerComputing PowerCenter Macintosh-clone. I had reset all of the chips on the motherboard (push that CUDA button!) (including the clock) and forgot to reset the time before I sent some email, seemingly from decades in the past (and thus, at the far bottom end of most people's inboxes.) -LoTech
To the WABAC MACHINE!</obligatory rocky and bullwinkle reference> -Torinir
That's actually the day before Unix epoch. -seventh
That's "Wayback Machine", and it's a reference to "Mr. Peabody and his pet boy, Sherman". /60's nitpicker :D -Grue
Work order reads: "Need new format for tracking date. Must be put into place ASAP!" -Jay911
"Resisting the urge to throttle Sherman, I instead read the note." -- Mr. Peabody and his pet boy, Sherman -Necros
Does anyone remember the farside comic where Mr. Peabody backed over Sherman in the driveway? -Packet
One time one of my machines somehow got lost in the year 2079, and Windows shit all over itself when it happened. It would start, but no program would run for any reason. I don't know how the date got so whacked, but I guess it's conforting to know that Windows XP will be useless 66 years from now. -AgentV3
heh, it's useless now.. -Spyder19
"Should old trouble tickets be forgot..." Feel free to finish the rewrite. -suitepotato
Peabody Running over Sherman? Sure! At the time I'd seen that, I'd never seen those, but the comic still left an odd impression... -renaultguy |
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1295.
Subject: How Difficult Can It Possibly Be?
I'm looking for a new service to provide e-mail and web service. I've be trying to set up an account with you folk for about an hour. I must say I've set up alot of accounts but this one is the most difficult. After several attemps I have given up and would to cancel This account. Thx you {John Starfish)
The reason he was having problems? He created the account, but didn't pay for it. But then I would expect nothing more from a person with an AOL address. Hey, there's a virus on your shoe!
[By : RiffRaff / 2005-03-24] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
One word "asshat" -THETECHFROMHELL
He didn't specify the account ? Good, then you can delete ALL of his accounts and have a BOFH-style excuse ! And get rid of him, BTW. -IcePanther
....ummm if he never got it set up AND didnt pay for it, how can he cancel what he doesnt have??? -burrkiss |
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1294.
Subject: this seems to fit the theme of the site
We need new IP's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That DO NOT
SAY MAY BE FORGED!!!
[By :nectar024 / 2005-03-24] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
Idiot Processor? -LaserGuru
Intel Inside, Idiot Outside -Torinir
Yeah, sorry I got carried away with the tattoo gun there, Mr. Bobbit. -VIPERsssss |
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1293.
Subject: You want to invoice us for what!?
See earlier stories today for back story //
After several hours of research and teleconferencing with <snip>.Net, we were finally able to track down the source of the problem and have it corrected by 2:00pm (PT) today: someone at <snip>.Net mistakenly assumed you wanted to cancel email hosting with them when you forwarded instructions to implement <crappy third party mail>. I was not informed of this by (Other person) of <snip>.net during my teleconferences with him; he only confirmed <snip>.net had allowed relaying from our ESP servers and suggested your firewall might be blocking the email traffic. At that point I tried to contact you to figure out how your firewall might be involved in all of this, but you may have already left for the day... I could only reach your voice mail. Not wanting to leave (Mutual Customers) email down, I continued researching with my technical department who concluded "... it looks like they're not accepting email from anyone." It was only after talking with Jim at <snip>.net that I discovered they were no longer accepting email for <something>.org. This explained why we kept getting a "relay denied" error even though (Other person) said they had allowed relaying from our servers; at that point we could relay email to their other existing email clients, but not <something>.org. Fortunately <snip>.net didn't delete your mailboxes during this whole process, so I had Jim restore email service and run a few tests with me until we verified email was successfully being delivered into your mailboxes.
Since this source today's email issue wasn't caused or exasperated by any mistake on our part, I need to recoup the cost of the time my team spent researching, tracking down the source of the problem, and getting it resolved. The cumulative time spent by myself and two other <Crappy third party mail> team members exceeded 4 hours, but since I trust you'll refer more business to us, I'm willing to meet you halfway. I've attached an invoice for 2 hours at our standard $95/hour diagnostic rate. You should be able to pass this cost on to <snip>.net since somewhere over there made a "bad assumption" as Jim described it.
[By :snJimboip / 2005-03-24] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
Um... guessing here, they wanted to relay outbound through you, then? -namor
This is how it was designed to work: third party service has MX records pointing at them. They get incoming mail, do their anti-spam anti-virus thing, and relay it to the real final destination mail server. Which is supposed to be an exchange server or private server, not us hosting a server. There is no reason for them to need to relay any email. -snJimboip
So you're not supposed to be the end server? -namor
On the contrary, we are supposed to be the end server. They told us basically we aren't hosting it anymore, so we stopped accepting mail. So when they tried to give it to us for delivery, it looked like they were trying to relay it (back to themselves, even) and we gave them a 554 relay not allowed response. That is why he wanted relaying access. -snJimboip
I think their ESP server is not doing what they think it is intended to do... -Evilturnip |
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